Andrew Macdonald
19 February 2004 18:28
No idea.
Out of deference to Faintly, I'll fold up the Grauniad and adjust the beard
and sandals before we go any further. And flip the top of a bottle of Mr
Chimbley's excellent Golden Pheasant. There. That's better.
This is a true story. And it comes from Lowestoft.
I think you've heard by now that Lowestoft Hospital got broken into t'other
night, and the burglars carefully left all the videos, teles, flash new PCs,
flat screens, drugs, expensive medical equipment, consultants' booze cabinets
etc, and made off with a nine year old computer. Well, later that same
night, the local plod picked somebody up wheeling a computer down the road in a
Tesco trolley. Probably the same bloke who tried to rob the takeaway last
year but legged it empty handed having whacked the till so violently to open it
that he jammed it shut. And then there's The Darkness.
And what's all this about Sir Torrey Canyon and pasties in Berlin? Still, given some of the pasties I've seen in SI, perhaps if we ship 'em all over
there we won't have to worry about servicing the Lancaster again.
And talking of pasties, I was Beales (Prince of Darkness and Lord of the Seventh Portal of Hades) the butchers the other day getting the haggis,
and he
had some pasties, so I got one for my lunch, and very nice it was, too. Better
than many from further west, in fact.
A quick warning to Toni Mester. Toni, it was sweet of you to offer him
tea, but the very sight of it makes him foam at the mouth and falling writhing
to the floor.(Not, I know, that unlike the usual Jelly) He only drinks
beer. Doom Bar. In industrial quantities. I know. I've had to sit
there more than once with my half pint of ginger beer shandy and watch the whole
unpleasant spectacle unfold.
And please could you explain to Faintly. WE ARE NOT IN THE ****ING FENS!
Nessum dorma.
Vile Jelly
20 February 2004 10:08
And yet, no doubt, the perpetrators still managed to outwit the police and
authorities!
As for the pasties, you've got to remember that 99% of the pasties served up
down here are intended for the tourist market and are therefore made to a
slightly lower standard than that usually required for inmate feeding in
concentration camps.
Why aren't you in the fens? Get back in there immediately before someone spots
you. Talking of which how did you manage to get haggis in the bayou? I thought
they were only indigenous to the frozen highlands of Boney Spotland.
Finally, how dare you slag me off for my DB quaffing? The RT and I only do it
under duress in order to provide you with entertainment and .....
| ..... freebies! |  |
Now that's what I call proper investigative journalism.
La donna e mobile.
Andrew Macdonald
20 February 2004 10:37
Who's this Donna and what's she doing with your phone?
We haven't had an update from plod central lately, so I guess the perps have got
clean away across the county line to Norfolk.
As you well know, all good things, including haggis, come from East Angular.
Many local farmers have moved out of prairie farming and now have established
breeding herds, mainly because they were finding it more and more difficult to
get hold of prairie seed.
I was merely trying to warn Toni that dragging you off to Mrs Trecreamtea's Tea
and Pastry Emporium would be met with a lot more resistance than dragging you
off to the Slurp.
Honi soit qui mal y pense.
Vile Jelly
20 February 2004 16:57
I don't know but she'll end up as a kebab if I ever catch up with her.
Chacun a son gout ..... and don't call me honey!
Andrew Macdonald
20 February 2004 15:29
Just as a matter of interest, did my emails used to turn up looking like a badly unpicked pullover (the Winwaloe method), and if not, did this one?
Vile Jelly
20 February 2004 16:57
Andrew Macdonald
20 February 2004 17:11
Vile Jelly
21 February 2004 09:18
Andrew Macdonald
20 February 2004 17:11
Helpdesk here.
Or indeed, this one?
Vile Jelly
21 February 2004 09:18
That's better.
Now run and play outside. I got rather 'tired and emotional', as they say of
politicians, yesterday. I have sent the Reporting Team out to get me
soothing ice-packs for my fevered brow and I shall retire unto my bed and
decompose in front of the rugger buggery as soon as I have finished this week's
promulgation.
Andrew Macdonald
20 February 2004 17:11
OK, Mal, or was that Pense?
Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose.
Vile Jelly
21 February 2004 09:18
Shouldn't the pence be euros these days?
Je suis le tenebreux, le veuf. l'inconsole
Le Prince d'Aquitaine devant sa tour abolie
Ma seule etoile est morte ....
As is my head this morning. Now bugger off and leave me to fester in my
post-binge miseries!