Lamb On The Run! - E-Mail correspondence with Spooky St. Ives

Gill Richards

23 February 2004 08:30

RE: hi

i can't remember what PTS stands for, something silly, PING was in response to your PONG!

what does PBAB stand for?

Vile Jelly

23 February 2004 08:43

Well, obviously you've got even less friends then I have ..... PBAB is traditionally appended to party invites and stands for Please Bring A Bottle.

PONGI is my own invention, thought up after years of downtrodden humiliation at work. It stands for Person Of No Great Importance.

Gill Richards

23 February 2004 09:16

Obviously. Or my friends don't hold enough parties to warrant shortening it.

oh dear. PING was just the traditional associated word, it doesn't stand for anything, but i shall endeavour to find something witty.

How was your weekend? I have finally finished the painting, no more snow storms for me! wall-papering next, but i enjoy that (sad i know). Any sight of a job yet what with easter coming up?

Vile Jelly

23 February 2004 11:53

Weekend was not totally intolerable. Ems out in force for the half-term but udderwise not too shabby. Weather was sunny but polar.

I've got a job coming up on Wednesday ..... It's a bank job so if anyone asks you haven't seen me and I was in Aberdeen at the time!

Gill Richards

23 February 2004 15:35

i forgot it was half term. Not that i didn't appreciate the quiet roads (although i walk in to work so it doesn't make too much difference to me) but it must have been a bit noisy down there.

seriously? and i wouldn't have seen you if you were in Aberdeen, it's just a little north of Bristol.

I heard on the radio today that from tomorrow onwards it's going to get much colder and we all stand a chance of several inches of snow so be prepared for a repeat of all those mails about 'is there snow in St Ives?'

how about Person In Need of Gin?

Vile Jelly

24 February 2004 08:26

But Bristol's so far north isn't that in Scotland too? Curses, I may have to re-think my alibi. I'll get the Shauns to work on something plausible. They should have plenty of spare time as they are in hiding at the moment because Helling's lobster has been sending death threats!

Just grey and mis here at the mo. If nothing happens in the next 24 hours or so I may resort to the polystyrene worms trick just to wind Winwaloe up!

Penguins In Night Gowns?

Gill Richards

24 February 2004 11:00

It certainly feels cold enough today!. I shouldn't rely on them, they can't even come up with a name. And Lucy seemed such a nice girl; still you know what they say about a Lobster scorned...

Nice day though yesterday, blue sky and warm (ish) air. Make sure there is no wind (ha!) otherwise the polystyrene will blow all over the place and it'd be a bit of a give-away.

I like that.

Vile Jelly

24 February 2004 12:34

Well, she started it, having that fling with the cat. Clearly she is a scarlet lobster looking to take advantage of a gullible innocent like Shaun.

Extra-heavy lead-lined polystyrene worms on stand-by just in case. Mind you, it's only to con Winwaloe and he will probably be too entangled in the flippers of Ms. Zennor to notice anyway!

Gill Richards

24 February 2004 14:21

As i recall the cat claimed her as his own. Poor Lucy was an innocent pawn and Shaun threw her aside like a piece of loose wool. Men!

There are some worms that are made of a different stuff and look like Wotsits. After a craft sessions at Guides it has been discovered that they stick with saliva (yuk. Girls really are disgusting, but i expect you knew that) I don't know how you'd go about it (lots of beer may be required) but you may be able to 'snow' St Ives without worrying about the wind. Is the affair still going on then? Judging from the statue, i thought it was all a very long time ago. (so long ago in fact that his witterings would have made sense)

Vile Jelly

24 February 2004 17:34

No, I think you'll find she was a guilty lobster rather than an innocent prawn! Anyway, the Shauns already have (had long before Miss Thermidor put in an appearance) a lobster friend (should be somewhere in the team photo in the Crimble Mystery Play), so she is hardly the only crustacean in the world.

Yet again you misapprehend the situation ..... that isn't a statue, that IS Winwaloe (so far as any of us can tell). We're sure that Ms. Zennor keeps him fit with a diet of fish oils and mackerel so he should be fighting fit (if somewhat incontinent ..... that would certainly explain the agonised expression).

Couldn't we petition the religious nutters (pope, archbish of cant, chief rabbi, ayatollah, etc.) to make him the patron saint of Blatherers and Witterers? That way he would be perfectly qualified to end up as ..... the pope, archbish of cant, chief rabbi, ayatollah, prime minister, president, etc.

Gill Richards

25 February 2004 11:40

Oh i know you have a crustacean, i remember seeing it in the group photo. I thought Lucy wanted to be more than friends though.

How does he type? or does that explain the awful mails you get? (style not content, but then again...) Fish oils and mackerel? Doesn't bear thinking about. They say that oily fish is very good for the little grey cells......

Good idea, excellent subject matter, but don't you have to be dead to be made a saint? Then he wouldn't be able to become a great holiness, cos he'd be dead. Then again, the pope....

Vile Jelly

25 February 2004 14:20

Well, so did Shaun until he got those abusive e-mails from their fleabag. Now, she's sending him death threats so it is hardly surprising that he has decided to go into hiding. Clearly a match made in hell!

They don't seem to be having any effect on Winwaloe if they do. His e-mails get more cryptic by the day. Soon, we will have to invest in an Enigma decoding machine in order to find out what he is blathering on about. No wonder Turing topped himself!

Gill Richards

25 February 2004 15:53

I wait eagerly for monday to see what she has been writing. They say love and hate are very close emotions, obviously with lobster and sheep things are no different. Tell him hiding in the Slurp isn't the most brilliant place.

tis true, i never unnerstand what he's driveling on about

Vile Jelly

25 February 2004 18:29

Pah! You underestimate the sheep-like cunning of Shaun. Expecting that the Lobster Fatale would instruct her assassins to locate him thusly, he has disguised himself as a sheep and is concealed in the ..... very public bar of ..... the Slurp .....

Bugger! Bugger! And thrice bugger! Sorry, got to leg it. There may be an emergency in progress!

Gill Richards

26 February 2004 08:34

Did you get there in time? Hopefully you did, and i expect you soothed your nerves with a few pints.

According to the weather girl this morning there is a snow storm heading your way, so i shall await the resulting correspondence on SSI.

Vile Jelly

26 February 2004 11:37

Apparently Shaun was in t'pub but hoofed it when a large pakistani family got trapped in the doorway and he heard that the pub was about to be entered by some clearly non-local crushed asians!

Still no sign of any snow. Still no sign of Shaun. Of course, if it did snow it would make it easier for him to camouflage himself. I'm not sure whether lobsters can cope with blizzards. You never seem to see farmers rescuing them from snowdrifts on the news when ever there is bad weather.

Gill Richards

26 February 2004 11:43

I was waiting for that one...

One assumes that Lobster go back to where they belong when it snows. The bottom of the sea never seems to have bad weather does it?

Vile Jelly

26 February 2004 14:11

Wouldn't know. Despite the best wishes of some SSI correspondents I have never been there!

Wouldn't have thought that snow was much of a worry although rising damp might be ...

Next Back Home Site Map