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Helen Bristol 05 November 2004 17:31 Re: Hello again You know I do. Vile Jelly 06 November 2004 10:46 But do you do it boldly? Helen Bristol 06 November 2004 13:09 Not one to be a fading violet. Vile Jelly 06 November 2004 13:17 Or even an ultra one? Helen Bristol 06 November 2004 17:00 Have been known to turn the odd purple phrase! Vile Jelly 06 November 2004 17:10
What into?
If you're any good you could launch Purple Helling as a rival to Blue Peter.
Helen Bristol 06 November 2004 17:31 What did Peter do that was so rude? Vile Jelly 06 November 2004 20:08 Well, as Biddy Baxter would say as she turned in her grave, just ask Messrs Duncan and Bacon. Helen Bristol 07 November 2004 11:25 That would depend on your point of moral view. Vile Jelly 07 November 2004 13:50
But, as you should know, I have no morals, just views.
Hell, if a children's TV presenter can't appear in porn films or take drugs how
on earth can they possibly appeal to the yoof of today?
Helen Bristol 07 November 2004 15:12
Why should I know that? I've only met you on a couple of occaisions.
Hardly time enough to form a rational objective opinion of someone.
Not that I've watched kids' TV for years but I thought it was all violent
cartoons, not dissimiliar to our own dear Tom & Jerry but with humanoid
characters.
Vile Jelly 07 November 2004 16:44
So how come the RT have shipped the secret VJ files to an undisclosed location
in East Angular? They claimed it was in the interests of national security but
I have my suspicions. And why waste time forming a rational opinion on humans?
By the time you have, all you have left are regrets about how much senseless
suffering and waste you could have avoided if you'd followed your original
instinct and filleted them on the spot!
Violent cartoons? No you are confusing it with the 10 o'clock news and various
PPBs. Sprog TV these days features no indiscriminate sex, mindless violence or incontinent
elephants. That's why no one (espesh the sprogeny) watch it.
Helen Bristol 07 November 2004 18:51
But they promised not to tell. How did you find... it was Orm wasn't
it?Ashley. I like humans - well, some of them. The ones that (Who) are
worth spending time on. Ouch!
These days I walk into a ward at 9 a.m. and the TV is on with some
mind-numbingly boring programme (Kiljoy or something) and I feel a wave
of despair wash over me - to imagine (let alone believe) that somebody,
somewhere actually wants to watch this
stuff............I sort of get the feeling that sprog TV might be as bad but
who am I to judge? I never watch the stuff. Life may be too short
to stuff a mushroom but even that sounds exciting when compared with daytime
TV.
Not at work today then?
Vile Jelly 08 November 2004 15:37
Caught red-handed? Can't have been Orm then, can it? The Shauns like humans
too. They say humans are tasty and nutritious. Personally, I don't mind
butchering them for the Shauns' culinary experiments but I must admit I have
never cared much for the flavour.
You mean you don't find stuffing mushrooms stimulating? Try stuffing them up
some of your more obnoxious patients/colleagues and I think you'll actually
find the experience quite pleasurable.
No. Skiving.
Helen Bristol 08 November 2004 17:15
Thought the Shauns refused to eat dead humans.
Rather depends on the size and toxicity of the mushroom/toadstool
Thought so.
Vile Jelly 08 November 2004 21:40
Depends how long they've been dead. Freshly hoofed that day, then gutted and
filleted by me is acceptable. Of course, sometimes they just like to hoof
humans simply to remind them who's boss. As for ems, they won't touch them,
raw or cooked.
But there are so many varieties of fungi to choose from. I'm sure you could
usually find the right one for the right person/occasion.
Helen Bristol 09 November 2004 18:54 Craterellus fallax and Phallus impudicus certainly suggest their uses. Its all quite magical. Vile Jelly 09 November 2004 22:04
Don't go all Alan Titchymarsh on me. All I know about gardening is that it's
usually a good time to sow your hardy perennials and somewhere there's
some bloke called John Innes who makes composts like Pimms make drinks.
Just make sure when your on the ward that you don't confuse your mushrooms
with your toadstool samples!
Helen Bristol 10 November 2004 17:53 Fortunately I don't have anything to do with that end of things. These days my activities are strictly limited to what you can do with your hands. Vile Jelly 11 November 2004 09:35 Er ..... with which activity, gardening or collecting toadstool samples? I certainly wouldn't like anything to do with the latter involving using my hands ..... or even yours. Helen Bristol 11 November 2004 17:44 Making people better (than what? I hear you ask) type activity. Vile Jelly 11 November 2004 21:37
The RT would rather you made them butter. Tasty and nutritious! Failing that a
light spread, low in farts and high in polly-unsatiateds will do.
activity
Now what happens?
Helen Bristol 13 November 2004 15:40
I could render them down to make dripping but, search as I might, I can't find
the culinary equivalent of the philosopher's stone to turn the dripping into
golden butter. Sorry guys.
You get sent home to practise on your own.
Reporting Team 13 November 2004 16:55
Bah! Or, as the Shauns would say, baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Now, don't go giving VJ dangerous ideas like 'sent home to practise on your
own'. Our lives are difficult enough, what with having to go the pub every day
and drink copiously while still being expected to be cute, cuddly and able to
get the reports in to the gnus desk. It's bad enough to be saddled with Jelly
without humans encouraging him to further depths of vileness!
Vole and fishes,
T'Reporting Team
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