The Reporting Team's Christmas Mystery Play 2002

..... Meanwhile, on a hill on the outskirts of St. Ives it was a chilly Xmas Eve as the Shauns washed their socks by night. Then, after they'd hung them out to dry Shaun snuggled down and tried to get to sleep by counting humans while Shaun looked after his flock of shepherds.

They'd laughed at him, of course, when he'd bought the flock but he had carefully grown them during the spring and summer and now they were sufficiently fattened up for him to contemplate Phase Two of his cunning business plan; breaking into the Shepherds Pie industry!

He'd have to wait for Vile Jelly to go back to his cookery course in Mine School but then he'd be able to find out what other ingredients, apart from shepherds, went into the pies. Then, they'd see who was laughing .....

Then, as if by (industrial light &) magic, an Angel of the Lord appeared (see below). "Fear not," quoth the angel," I bring everyone good news (unless they're a turkey). The Chosen One has been born (in a barn) and henceforth this time of year shall be a time of happiness and enjoyment for everyone (unless they work in a kitchen). You two can start the ball rolling. Get three pressies and go and give them to the Holy Sprog."

With that the angel disappeared in a blinding flash of wool. "Oh bloody brilliant," said Shaun, "Where are we supposed to get pressies from at this time? It's midnight on Xmas Eve, nowhere's open ..... not even B&Q!"

"We'll just have to cobble something together from what we've got here," Shaun suggested. So, they had a quick skeet around the field but all they found was fuel for their fire, a pile of dead dung beetles and the contents of their, er, toilet facilities .....

And so, on the day of the Nativity, the Holy Sprog was visited by two not-very-wise sheep who brought gifts of coal, rank insects and merde!

Christmas? Baaaaaaa humbug!

FESTIVE FELICITATIONS AND WELL-SEASONED GREETINGS TO ONE AND ALL FROM THE REPORTING TEAM

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