Major Barbara


So, you've made it from the Tate to the Hepworth, right? As you step inside prepare to be amazed .....

..... yes, your eyes are not deceiving you, that ravishing blonde manning (or should that be womanning?) the entrance really is Ann again!

How does she do it?

Simple, really. A casual glance at the map of the route from the Tate to the Hepworth will show that the route is not a direct line. In addition, you have to allow for the facts that:-

  1. the Digey and Fore Street are always cluttered up with tourists walking around aimlessly like something from the Night Of The Living (Brain)Dead
  2. hardly any art-goers seem able to travel between the Tate and the Hepworth without getting lost

The cumulative effect of these various delaying factors mean that Anne can easily use the secret tunnels under St. Ives to get from the Tate to the Hepworth (and vice versa) far more quickly than the tourists using the overland route.

Hepworth Museum, St. Ives, Cornwall 1

Visitors are distracted by the displays and fail to notice Anne (just off camera to the right) emerging from a manhole under the reception desk.

And who is that idiot in the mirror?

I'm not sure exactly what this Barbara Hepworth bloke did for a living. I think she must have been in panto because I've heard people referring to her having been a dame.

It does seem to me a trifle odd to dedicate a museum to 'Widow Twanky' but fortunately the curators seem to have decided that there was no mileage in trying to flog such a sub-moronic art form to the general public (obviously they have never been to Blackpool or Las Vegas or they would have realised how much money there was in it!).

So, anyway, instead of wobbly stage props and ham actors shouting 'behind you' they've filled the museum up with these sculpturey things.

Hepworth Museum, St. Ives, Cornwall 2 Eat your heart out IKEA!

You think that's pretty funky, eh? You should see the garden.

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