Local Gnus


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This week the Reporting Team bring you news ..... ..... freshly squeezed from unsuspecting victims!

Here are some selected lowlights of what's hit the news (and fan) this week, surgically altered by the Reporting Team to prevent anyone being able to quote Spooky St. Ives as an authoritative source!

24 December 2004 (ish)

Thought For The Week

Agh va ymoddee draganeyn roauyrey as kishtaghyn ooh folmey ayn.

[But there were a lot of fat dragons and empty egg boxes.]

Out Vile Jellies!

And now my end is near

And so (as I ladle out a final batch of soup) I face my final crouton ...

Yes, it's 'That's All Folks' time. I'm out of here.

It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)

After much heart-searching ..... I discovered that I didn't have a heart and so I might as well sell out. To wit, having considered my long-term prospects feeding vast amounts of emmets for miniscule amounts of money I thought 'Bugger that for a game of soldiers' and decided to get myself a proper job.

I've Got To Leave Old St. Ives Town

Anyone who has been paying attention (or is just good at lucky guesses) will know that I have more than one bow to my string. Unfortunately, such is the parlous state of Cornwall that in order to play a different tune ..... you gotta go.

Of course, as any fool (or complete and utter fool in Winwaloe's case) would point out, in my case my poverty was self-inflicted in that I chose to come down here. Which is not the point. I always had the skills and experience to go and make my fortune elsewhere if I chose to. People who grow up down here have no such option.

It is a piss-poor state of affairs when the best career advice you can give to any Cornish youth with talent and ambition is .....

LEAVE

What future can Cornwall have in such circumstances? Other places (Ireland being a good example) have woken up to the perils of constantly losing successive generations of the talented as they flee their place of birth to seek to better themselves. Of course, some people point to the creation of the University of Cornwall as being a way to stop the brain-drain. We say

PAH!

School's Out!

Education may have its place in society but no one leaves education empty-handed these days so of what real value are all those qualifications? It is the creation of meaningful jobs that will keep the next generation down here, not education or poncy projects. I couldn't find a decent job down here and I've got 10 O levels, 5 A Levels, a BA (hons) and a professional qualification (ACII) so, anyone who graduates from the University of Cornwall is still going to be buggering off to some other part of the country.

Happy The Man

And so, I've decided it is time to tune into Reality FM. No point, hell no future, in being 40 and earning £5 an hour. Thusly, I am off to one of my former haunts, Ellan Vannin. (Or, for the benefit of the english out there, the Isle of Man).

It will be a bit of a wrench to leave the burg but so many people have gone and things changed even in the short time I've been here I can't say I had any great hopes for the future. I think that the last battle for the character of St. Ives is about to be fought between the locals and the property developers. And the locals will eventually lose.

The Isle of Man's not a bad little place. Quite Cornish in some respects but, unlike the Cornish, the Manx have got their act together and are busily (and prosperously) doing their own thing, independently from the evils of Toady Blah's regime.

Say Hello Wave Goodbye

Sadly, this means the end of Spooky St. Ives. It's not going to disappear immediately but I'm going to be busy sorting out my move and then, once I've moved, I'm obviously not going to be in a position to write about St. Ives.

I'd like to say thanks to those who've contributed (especially those who bought the Reporting Team a pint) and to those who have railed against Spooky St. Ives I'd like to say 'go forth and multiply'!

I'm taking the 'puter with me so for those who are interested my e-mu address will still be the same should you feel some perverse need to contact me. Obviously, I'm going to be rather occupied elsewhere for the next couple of months.

You'll Never Find Another Fool Like Me

In the meantime, I finish in t' Castle dungeons on 23rd and will thence repair to some suitable hostelry with the Reporting Team. We shall no doubt quaff a few pints of Doom Bar to toast Big Mac, Helling, Gill, Holly and her minders, Ed Care, Steve Collier, Joy McEldowney, Janet Bentley, Liz Ringrose and all those who contributed to the insanity that was Spooky St. Ives:-

If we do meet again, why, we shall smile;
If not, why then this parting was well made

 

Food For Thought (For The Week)

Did you work it out?

It's not Cornish. Cornish is a dead language and this is very much a living one. Given what has now happened you could almost say it has been a little bit of history predicting itself!

Traa v'eh geearee cur jeih varel er e caarjyn, loayr eh 'sy Ghaelg.

When he wanted to impress his friends, he spoke in Manx.

 

The Reporting Team's Utterly Festive Christmas Carol Concert 2004

 

Which Beyblade character are you?

Dare you take the test and join the Spooky St. Ives Hall Of Fame & Shame? Click here to see the gruesome results so far.

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