Fight The Good Fight ...


As the crusaders neared their goal, resistance, like boys' whatsits, began to stiffen. After a long siege they finally managed to burgle their way into Antioch only to find the inner citadel still fortified against them. While they were working out how to deal with this problem a minor technical glitch cropped up. It was an army of not-very-happy Turks who promptly besieged the besiegers. Thus, in a stroke of military genius, having managed to get themselves surrounded internally and externally the crusading army decided it was time to call in god to take the blame.

God, however, was apparently not available as he was attending a seminar on One Hand Clapping techniques, followed by a bar-mitzvah in the evening.

 
In despair a crusader slumped onto his pew only to discover he had a boil on his bum. In agony he had the boil Wholly Lanced and rushed off in search of something to soothe his pustulent posterior. Mistaking this for a signal to attack the crusader army piled out of Antioch and trounced the Turks.

 
However, no sooner had Antioch been captured then arguments broke out among the leaders of the crusade as to who would get to keep it as a souvenir.

Eventually, Bohemond was able to convince the other leaders of the justice of his claim to possession of Antioch.

  
Despite the odd doctrinal disagreement* there was much mutual respect for each other's fighting ability between the Franks and the Turks.

*(God vs. Allah, Jesus vs. Mohammed, horses vs. camels, straight vs. curvy swords, etc.)

 
At last, after a couple of years on the road (with an occasional break to use the facilities at the motorway services) the Franks finally reached Jerusalem.

There, in the name of god's infinite compassion, they stormed the city and liberated the inhabitants from their oppressors, their worldly possessions and their lives in approximately that order.

 

THE END

(or was it?)

  

Were the Milleniarianists right after all?

What were the mysterious Knights Templar really up to? Can anyone shed some Illuminati on the subject?

 

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