28 December 2001 00:40
Advertising On Your Site
My Vice President of Marketing sent an email to you on November 12th and has
received no response. I am interested in advertising on your site.
Below you'll see that I've attached my original email explaining how I think we
can both benefit from doing business together.
Please let me know if you are interested or not. More information on what I am
proposing can be found at [their website]
-or- you can read below for further information.
President and CEO
I have visited your website and see that you have information on NSAIDs [you what?].
Just so you know, I found you in the top listings of Netscape. [Now
that really is SPOOKY!]
My name is Ryan Allis and I am the Vice President of Marketing for Activex
Activex America, Inc. manufactures, wholesales, and retails Syn-flex and
Syn-flex for your pet, a high-quality liquid Glucosamine and Chondroitin
arthritis treatment that stops inflammation, ends joint pain fast, rebuilds
damaged cartilage, and halts the progression of Osteoarthritis in both humans
and pets. [Boy, we'd love to see one of those smartarse
advertising copywriters turn that into a catchy jingle!]
Syn-Flex is formulated with Pharmaceutical Grade Liquid Glucosamine Sulfate and
HCL, Chondroitin, Boswellin, Shark Cartilage, Yucca powder, Ascorbate,
Manganese, Bromelaine, Vitamins A, C, E, Omega 3 and Omega 6 [gesundheit!].
We are now launching Syn-flex to the worldwide market. To spread the word, we
have an affiliate program in place that pays commission to those who lead
visitors to our site.
Because of the fact you already have visitors going to your site to learn about
inflammation, [well we're sure that most of them are
suffering but that's more likely down to the website content than joint
inflammation!] I would like to propose a partnership between your
website and Activex America. [Well, we're always open
All the Best,
Ryan Allis, VP Marketing
Activex America, Inc.
We were pretty impressed when we got a few e-mails
from people in America who were reading Spooky St. Ives, we never thought in our
wildest dreams that we would make contact with people from another planet!
Sadly, it looks unlikely that we will ever have a
glittering career in corporate America if they can't target their audience
better than that. However, should anyone feel like parting with their
hard-earned dosh you know where to find us.
Please don't send cash as Vile Jelly will probably
embezzle it. Please make cheques and credit card payments out to either S. T.
Hedgehog, S. T. Sheep, F. Eric or T. S. Dragon.
Next issue, hopefully, we will be flogging anything
we can get paid for (from dead horses upwards)!