Home Thoughts From Abroad [A Bloke Actually!]

Simon Coad

18 February 2003 09:25

Your website

Very interesting website I must say. I used to live in St. Ives and in fact was back there in October and November last year.

Vile Jelly

18 February 2003 09:50

Cheers, m'dear.
If you don't mind me asking, does the suffix on your e-mail address mean that you are communicating from the antipodes? If so, how did you find Spooky St. Ives? Being rank amateurs at this wormwide web malarkey the Reporting Team and I are always mystified as to how unsuspecting victims stumble across the portal into our parallel universe!

Simon Coad

19 February 2003 06:30

You know Paul over here in Australia Paul Kelly is quite a well known singer. Don't know if you have heard of him over there. Hmmm I was talking to my father yesterday (we are currently 8 hours ahead of you) and he was telling me it is bitterly cold there. Oh well no doubt Spring is on the way !
How did I find it? Well it was quite funny. My normal home page when I open up the internet is  Google so I was there and suddenly Rosewall Hill came to my mind and I thought I'll put it in and see if anyone has anything on the net re. Rosewall Hill. Indeed they have and that is how I found your site.
Yes I do live in Perth Western Australia although as I said I was home in St. Ives late last year and nice it was too. My father and uncle still live in Carbis Bay as does my brother and his wife now.
I must admit I did have far too many Cornish Pasties and too much drink when I was there and have slimmed down since returning to Oz.
I will regularly visit the site as I was most impressed with it.

Have you lot always lived in St. Ives?

Vile Jelly

19 February 2003 08:47

Oh lordy, no. We are (cough, spit) immigrants, although at least the RT have an excuse being international stars of stage and (video)screen!

It is, in deed, colder than a penguin's bum here. Weather's reasonably bright but there's a biting north easterly which is sending everyone scurrying for cover.

So, you were the white sheep of the family, were you? Cunningly emigrating to the land where the sun is hot, the beer is cold and people can still remember how to play sport! Anyway, you must know Rabbit (or his family) if you live in Oz (his tribe is only an hour inland from Sydney so they can't be far from you!).

PS. How did you manage to lose weight in Australia? Everyone I know who has been out there say they just pigged out on the good and plentiful food. Or did you borrow some pills from Shane Warne's mum?

Simon Coad

20 February 2003 01:48


Funnily enough we came here in 1989 actually on a 3 year contract but have stayed on for a bit longer. Of course now have the advantage of having Australian and EC passports. There are lots of Rabbits actually in the outback. There are some near Sydney but well being 4 hours flight away I don't get to see them much. Sydney is 3000 kilometres or so and 3 hours ahead of us. It's a big place here you know.

February in Perth is traditionally our hottest month with usually 5 days above 40c, but so far we have had only two.

It's a bit too hot then even for me. At home we say "don't open the back door, you'll let the hot in" (We have airconditioning.)

I still support English sport especially the cricket which means I never discuss cricket ever with Australians. "Cricket??? oh sorry missed that .....was watching Ally McBeal " ....or something !!

Losing weight easy.....I just go running. it is hard to motivate oneself to run so what I do is the following. 

Look for some blackfellas (Aboriginals) that are sober....it is usually quite hard to find some!  and then hurl racial insults at them until they chase me. Being used to chasing Kangaroos and emus for food they can run a considerable distance and quite fast so I tend to have to run a long way. No time to stop for food or drink so hence lose weight.

In fact I was mostly responsible for training Cathy Freeman who constantly chased me after only a few insults. She went on to win gold in the olympics.

Shane Warne, a complete dickhead really but good at cricket. His mum gave him a pill??? He is so thick that one could believe it, but they are now saying there was more than one. He lost about 15 kilos in 12 months and from looking like a telly tubby to going to have a body like a muscle man you HAVE to take something. You can't do that  naturally. He will go down for this believe me.

Australia is unfortnately full of fat people. Second I believe only to the USA. Britain is a little lower on the scale.

So you actually live in St Ives? When I lived there which was from 1955 to 1963 we lived at Penbeagle. Then my family moved back there but to Carbis Bay in 1982 I recall. I was living in Bristol between 1963 and 1988 before Australia, but I still consider St Ives my home.

Hope it's not too cold today for you.



Vile Jelly

20 February 2003 09:09

So, you took on a contract in Australia, eh? I don't think we've ever had correspondence from a hitman. I hope we haven't said anything to offend you!

I had heard rumours that Australia was quite a big island but I reckoned as there's supposed to be so few of you living there you'd all be on first name terms. Never mind. Next time Rabbit flies home I'll ask him to wave when he goes past your ranch.

Your training regime sounds a bit risky to me. Way back (1992 actually) I went to the US and arrived in LA not long after the Rodney King riots. Due to a navigational error we drove into the fringe of the Watts District and, being english dimwits, didn't immediately twig until we noticed an unusually large number of burnt-out buildings.

Run? We couldn't drive fast enough to get away!

So, you lived up t'Beagle, eh? It's still there and seems to be trying to expand in the direction of Halsetown. I wouldn't mention the Cardboard Bay bit, though. You'll get more respect if you say that you were in prison or drug rehab!

Simon Coad

21 February 2003 02:32

Well hi,

Thanks for you message. Here in the colonies it's already Friday with the weekend looming. Nice weather is forecast which will allow me to sunbathe and get even browner hopefully. Not that I want to end up looking like a blackfella, god forbid, but I don't like looking like a ghost either.

When you see rabbit or any of his mates you can of course say any of them are welcome at our house.

So your US trip seemed a bit hazardous hmmmm.

--We have several areas in Perth which are still particularly prone to "blackfellas". Cheap housing there of course. One of the areas was called Balga. The State Government in its wisdom decided to rename the area a couple of years ago to avoid people answering the difficult question Where do you live? and them having to say Balga to which most people would find they had an immediate and urgent meeting ANYWHERE else but near this person.

Well , they changed the name to  ......wait for it......."Westminster". So now it is posh. And funnily enough, house prices have gone up. In fact I might move to Westminster myself now.

Now I am worried owning half  a house in Cardboard Bay. Shall I sell immediately??? urgent advice needed from you.

I never paricularly liked Cardboard Bay and my house is on the main road so.....a bloody long walk down to the beach too. But helps you lose the kilos on the way up. What I have always wanted was  a likkle weeny house in or around the Downlong area, you know just a few feet from the harbour,  Sloop and shops. Obviously one wouldn't get a garage there, but t'would be nice.

Well I am off to a luncheon today so that is all for now. Your website is very funny .....I was looking in some detail yesterday.


Vile Jelly

21 February 2003 09:05

Well, neither actually. One of the peculiarities of working in the catering trade is that weekends are then equivalent of everyone else's Monday. Although, this week I am actually taking a few days off but the general principle is valid. Believe me there is nothing more depressing than trudging to the slave pits on a Friday evening watching everyone else packing up work and gleefully looking forward to a couple of days indolence!

To be honest, assuming it's not falling down (more then usual for round here), then your half a house is probably worth more than Cardboard Bay itself. On the down side you'd probably have to flog all of Australia to be able to afford a deposit on a house in Downlong!

Good luck with the weather, you jammy b*****. Don't forget the Factor 100 and chuck an extra shrimp on the barbie for the RT!

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