Cruel And Unusual Punishment

Gill Richards

07 August 2003 15:18


okey dokey.

Actually i don't think she'd say that, she hardly needs help in that area!!!

So much for the hottest day of the year yesterday. The local news was going bonkers about it reaching 100 Deg c and in the end in true British spirit, the cloud rolled in and the sun disappeared. Ha! Hot today though, you must be sweltering in the pits. Takes me back to my hols in Italy, warm evenings, crispy pizza and a jug of cool red wine (odd but nice in the heat). Think i'll get a bottle out tonight...

Vile Jelly

07 August 2003 18:07

Well, ferny ewe shud menshun that but .....

Hellow, Gill, it is me, the Shauns .....

The whether here has been even stranger. The son has been cracking the flagstones on the hi ground in St. Ivel but there has been a spectaclier sea fret down on the beeches.

It has confewsed the emmets very muchly and they have all become very stupid and selfish .....

.... oh, hang on, apparently that's a natural condishun for them.

Oh, baaaaaaa! What would wee no? Wee r onlie sheeps!

Gill Richards

08 August 2003 12:02

Hi Shauns, nice to hear you've been out and about, it must be getting pretty claustrophobic under that bed. It's getting even hotter. Far too hot to be in work. There's definitely something wrong when you work up a sweat on the way in to work. Try and have a good weekend. I won't say don't work too hard, but make sure you take on plenty of fluid ......  ;-)

Vile Jelly

09 August 2003 17:52

Did you hear that drivel on the gnus during the week about all those people in shops, offices, etc. complaining that it was too hot to work.

Well, Vile Jelly has melted in the kitchen during this lovely period and has now declined to a gibbering, mouth-frothing wreck. Oh, but what the hell, tourism is good for us, isn't it!

Gill Richards

11 August 2003 08:31

but it was too hot to work! it must have been hell for you. I hope you haven't melted so badly that you can't drink?!!!!!  apparently it hit 100 in Londinium. i don't know how hot it was here, but i don't think i could have faced that. i went out in the car and had the air conditioning on
full! Ah well, it's a new week. you've got a whole new bunch of tourists to insult...happy days!!!

Vile Jelly

11 August 2003 09:58

Well, it's sort of official now. We are currently enduring what can only be
described as hell on earth.

Never mind meteorological records, we delved into the old kitchen log book and discovered that the last two weekends we have done more than twice the amount of covers than we did this time last year. With the same number of staff, the same clapped out equipment, in the same shoebox-sized kitchen, for the same crappy money. Oh, and with the added benefit of even higher temperatures.

Someone's doing well out of this but it sure as hell isn't us. And the emmets wonder why we don't seem very happy to see them. Put a congestion charge on the town, we say, and execute anyone caught not paying it! Who's going to miss a few hundred of the buggers?

Gill Richards

11 August 2003 10:21

It certainly feels like the fires are burning! Are there twice as many people down there? Wifees (i'm allowed to say that) are probably thinking that's it's too hot to cook in that little cottage kitchen, so they'll go out instead. The owners are rubbing their hands with glee, you just have to rub your hands with the tea towel and make some more chips.
Of course if they weren't all there you wouldn't have a job to do!! ;-)

News at Six - St Ives chef goes mad on cooking knife rampage as tourist asks for the fish soup without any fish.....

Vile Jelly

11 August 2003 15:53


Correction - Headline should read

St. Ives chefs all go on mad knife rampage .....
You don't think I'm the only who is feeling the red mist descend, do you?!

Gill Richards

12 August 2003 08:17

good god no, but i'm not emailing them! Wouldn't want to miss them out though, i do like to try all the eateries. The sun's not out today...but it's still damn hot! How does that happen then? It might rain later, yippee.....

Vile Jelly

12 August 2003 18:00

Even though it is cloudy, the heat you are experiencing is, in fact, not from the sun but the residual glow from the thousands of ovens, salamanders, mics and, of course, smouldering corpses in commercial kitchens!

Gill Richards

14 August 2003 15:48

I see. Not so sure about the smouldering corpses (are they staff or stray customers who dared to wander in?)
I'm glad it's cooled down a bit, my fluffy family didn't like it one bit. During my midnight wanderings i often came across a puss lying upside down stretched out as much as possible to keep cool, dead cute. I felt really mean going back into my air-conditioned (don't ask!) bedroom where it was lovely and cool if a little noisy. I found one of the fish swimming with his bum in the air yesterday, they are in the coolest room in the house and it's still like a bath in the tank. Did you hear on the news that the river Dee which has the largest number of wild Salmon has reduced to a trickle and the fish are dying in thier hundreds before they can spawn. That's the price of wild Salmon through the roof then.

Vile Jelly

15 August 2003 09:58

Oh definitely staff.
Know how your fish feels, I wish I could find my off-switch and float gracefully belly up.
Even allowing for my many and manifest sins I'm sure hell can't be hotter (or horribler) than the Sloop kitch!

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