15 September 2003 19:58
The New Monarchy
Would that have been wild garlic, allium vineale, or ramsons, allium ursinum?
Anyway, I know the monarchy is desperately trying to make itself more popular, if not populist, by dispensing with the services of Toothpaste Squeezer in Ordinary and Specimen Bottle Holder Poursuivant, but I think getting the head honcho herself to advertise carpet sweepers is probably too much, too soon. Should that be honcha? (If your Auntie Vera says that this attachment is riddled with viruses and must be burnt alive immediately, she's wrong. It ain't.)
Ah, Windows XP. XP Pro is good(ish), XP Home less good(ish). If desperate, try fdisk and format c:. Works most times out of ten in my experience.
And don't go talking about chippies to Faintly Saintly otherwise we'll all have to put up with another one of his Slippery Eel moments, and I'm not sure if I can.
I've been told about this comapny that hires out small tankers, about 1100 litres or so. Thought I might get one, lash it to the back of the motor, and take a detour via Rock. Half and half Doom Bar and Special.
And tell John Nugent we''ll be back........
15 September 2003 9:44 PM
Sorry, it has been a long, long day and I've long since lost the thread (and plot) of any previous blatherings.
Well, yes, it did but I'm not sure if it is Auntie Vera who is responsible or Outlook Excess. Probably the latter because Naughty Antivera always flashes alarming messages when something irksome arrives in the electric mailbox. Anyway, I can see the attachment ..... how come you were reading Woman's Weekly?
Still, wrestling with Windy XP. It's great, it comes with all these new features that render my previously perfectly functional hard and software useless and forces me to hack it to get them to work. Wonderful security feature that ..... we'll protect you from dodgy things on the internet (apart from the dodgy things you'll have to download to get the sodding thing to work properly). It's almost as if Microsoft wanted me to go out and buy a new printer, scanner, digital camera, etc. as well as getting a computer upgrade. What a curious coincidence, eh?
PS. Good luck with the tanker but for god's sake don't get some half-trained bunch of Polish pillocks to crew it for you. You won't be laughing if your Doom Bar ends up on the rocks off Land's End a la RMS Mulheim!
PPS. Can't you tell him or didn't the e-mail I cc'd you on have his e-mu address on it?
16 September 2003 08:41
Good Housekeeping, actually. I like to see how it should be done.
So what exactly moved you to upgrade to XP anyway? I always tend to work on the "if it aint't broke, don't mend it" principle. Which is why I am sitting here in front of a W98 machine which has suddenly started crashing all the time, which I must say the XP one doesn't. Ho hum......
And thanks for the warning. When I call Rent-a-Pillock, I'll make sure I get fully trained ones. Think I'll try Lowestoft first.
I'd gladly tell him myself, except I didn't get any cc'd emus. That's XP for you. Make a penguin happy, try Linux instead.
16 September 2003 17:56
I got a new kompewter and it came with the ultimate evil pre-installed. (I had no inkling that I couldn't just eject the offending software and re-install all my tried-and-trusted!).
PS. Linux? Wasn't he Lucy's brother?
17 September 2003 15:34
Bummer. Best I don't tell you how to eject the offending etc. etc.......
No, I think he's an anagram of Ilxun.
Talking of Lowestoft, someone attempted to hold up a takeaway pizza place there last week with what may or may not have been a gun. All but one of the staff quite sensibly legged it, so the would-be robber attacked the till. So successful was the attack that none of the buttons on the till worked anymore and it wouldn't open. So he left.
Where's that cc'd email, by the way? When we go back to Geevor I'll try and take a half decent piccy of the amaxing 3D model of all the shafts in the area that they've got there.
18 September 2003 08:50
Who? Me or it?
Somehow the pizza robbery story does not really surprise me. I mean, who but a complete moron would hold up a pizza place in Lowestoft in the first place?
Since the cc didn't work I will attempt to forward John Negus' e-mu to you (it has already been promulgated on SSI ..... unless XP has buggered that about too!).
18 September 2003 17:22
Depends if you meant offensive or offending.
See? You've probably never been to Lowestoft in your life, but you begin to get the idea. Sadly, one of its few claims to fame, Scott's Brewery, closed down a few years back. They used to brew an excellent bitter called East Point Ale, which now I come to think of it was very similar to Doom Bar.
Doom Bar, Doom Bar, Doom Bar, Doom Bar
Doom Bar, Doom Bar,
Bar, Doom Bar, Doom Bar.............
But enough of that.
Tafor the emu.
18 September 2003 19:20
Either, neither, or, in deed, both.
Once upon a time I knew a place where you can get Eden Ale. I'm not sure if you still can but that's the fault of the emmets whose insatiable demand for 'everything now' have prevented me (and them!) from enjoying quality.
Oh well, you can lead an emmet to water but you can't make it think!
PS. Babar the Elephant.
PPS. Barber the Barber (if you really know St. Ives).
19 September 2003 15:51
Any relation to Butcher the Butcher, late of Rupert Street in Norwich?
PS. Orlando the Marmalade Cat
19 September 2003 21:41
Don't know, I'll ask Jim next time I am having my follicles trimmed. Doubt it though, his uncle was a legendary Cornish Bard (the olds have even got one of his records!) so can't see him having much truck with such outlandishly foreign burgs like Norwich.
Polly The Lobster.
20 September 2003 10:45
I think there's probably a cheap joke in there somewhere, but we'll pass for now. And didn't bards come from Wales? And Norwich is a fine city, it says so on all the signs as you drive in to it, so it must be true. Let's face it, any city run by a council which bans window boxes in case they fall on somebody and decides to fell an avenue of perfectly good horse chestnuts because the falling conkers might hit somebody, and even if they don't they make the pavement all slippery, must be pretty damn fine.
Muffin the Mule
20 September 2003 13:53
No, bards come from everywhere Celtic (apart from in the Rangers section of Scotland). They have a big thingy down every year for bardy things called the Gorsedd.
Well, what can you say about Norwich? A burg associated with canaries (used for detecting poisonous gas), mustard (used as a poisonous gas) and Delia Smith (author on how to poison unsuspecting party guests)!
PS. Tried it, hurt like hell.
Echo And The Bunnymen.
20 September 2003 18:16
Is having a big thingy a prerequisite of bardship?
And be careful what you say about the blessed Delia. Hereabouts, she is considered to be on an altogether different plane of saintliness than Winwaloe.
PS Has Trevor started churning out the St W fridge magnets yet?
PPS Where's the recipe for blue string soup?
21 September 2003 10:15
Probably. I've no idea what 'Gorsedd' actually means. I think it's Cornish for Eisteddfod (however you spell that) but beyond that such arcane activities are probably left to the druids.
Never mind old Devious Smith, I think everybody is on a different plane of everything than Winwaloe.
Trevor doesn't do trinkets for tourists so you'll have to find another manufacturer. Suggest Taiwan would be a good place to start looking.
So far, all the info I have elicited from Madame S is that first you need to go down the mine and dig out plenty of raw soup ore. You have got a soup mine, haven't you?
Puff The Magic Dragon
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