Helen Bristol

01 November 2004 18:06

Re: Last week's promulgation

Soupie, dearest,
How lovely to hear from you.  So the S*********** are overflowing?  Why doesn't he use a disused tin mine?  In hundreds of years time archeologists will imagine that some terrible mining disaster befell them.
I expect you're very busy now preparing for the crimbo festivities.  I must confess to have given them the odd passing thought, as in "it'll all be over in 8 weeks"
Now, are the RT behaving themselves? Not too many highjinks last night I hope.  I didn't see it for myself, but heard that the centre of town here looked like VJ's kitchen on a very bad day - eggs and flour everywhere. Why, oh why do people have to copy all these awful american "celebrations"?
Talking of kitchens, I'm afraid I must go now and feed the lads.

The Soup Dragon

01 November 2004 18:42

Hellin' darlin', c'est moi, La Soupie.
Sadly the tin mines are all full. You have no conception (or have you got sprogs as well as BM? VJ is so, oh what's the phrase ..... utterly useless, that's it, ..... as a source of information. Anyway, I digress ...) as to how many ems there are. That's why they are called emmets. You kill a few million of them one day and there they are crawling all over your fridge the next.
I, personally in my capacity as myself, am not preparing for Crimbo. I tend to find that it happens without any need for assistance from me and so I just let it happen. I do believe, however that VJ is preparing for Christmas because I just saw him sellotaping a hosepipe to his car exhaust and putting the other end of it through the driver's window. I think I might pop out and see what he's up to because he has been in the car for ages now and he hasn't so much as let the handbrake off.
The boys were quite well behaved on Halloween. The Shauns went out and savaged a few humans but they do that most nights (they are Vicious Killer Sheep, after all, and one should not tamper with nature). I also believe that a few terrified local residents were traumatised by the return of Sonicula, 'Hog of Darkness. Generally, though, we all chilled out. It was either that or worry about what we are going to do when it's time for us to put VJ in an Old Jellies' Home.

Helen Bristol

02 November 2004 19:13

'La Soupie' sounds soooo glamourous. Could I be 'La Belle Helene'?  La Belle Helling doesn't have quitethe same ring.
I don't think it's that he's useless really.  Typical bloke doesn't ask the right questions in the first place.  I didn't quite understand your digression, though.  Was that do I have sprogs as well as BM having sprogs?  or were you counting BM as one of mine?  Either way the answer is yes.
Knowing his planning aforethought he'll leave the other window open so I wouldn't worry too much, just make sure you know where he's stashed the rest of your g&t.
Hmmm. 40. Have to start thinking (ahead) for him. Downhill from now on - except for us gals. Pity the blokes not having HRT.

The Soup Dragon?

03 November 2004 11:21

Worse still you might get contracted to La Belling and then people would try to cook things in you.
Really? You could have fooled all of us .... I was referring to the lack of conception which obviously couldn't possibly apply to someone who had podded sprogs!
Well, he's still in there and he still hasn't moved. The car was about to conk out yesterday but the Shauns thoughtfully galloped up the road to get some more petrol and refilled the tank. I had to stay behind and guard the g&t silos, natch.
HRT? The Shauns thought that was a member of the royal family. The Sonics say they don't understand it all. Wimmin spend the first 40 years of their lives behaving badly and blaming it on the hormones and then, just when they can finally settle down and get on with being a functional member of society, they try to replace the hormones so they can behave badly all over again!

Helen Bristol

03 November 2004 18:11

I don't really think this is from Soupie.  Is it Shaun pretending to be her?
Anyway who wants to be a functional member of society. VJ is managing very well to avoid it! or so he claims.  I've decided I'd rather be a mermaid. Nothing at all to do with the alleged antics of W. Obviously I'd have to grow my hair again. I was blissfuly pain-free in the pool last night.


03 November 2004 19:33

Ha! Fooled you it is I, Orm. Giftig was out taking the (literally) nippers for a slither. Couldn't resist the wind up and, anyway, you could at least give me a bit of credit for my efforts. Have you any idea how long it takes to type an e-mu when you are an 8ft long boa constrictor with no appendages?
What like that actress from yesteryear, Ethel Mermaid? I can just visualise you and your fellow aquanautesses performing a Busby Berkely moment in the Bayou Community Swimming Pool!

Helen Bristol

04 November 2004 18:41

See, I knew it wasn't Soupie.  Orm, I had no idea you were multi-talented.  Not just an interogator - a stenographer as well.  I knew the style was - um - different.
Xactly. So few of us turn out these dark evenings that I was forced to do a solo synchronised routine.  It was most exhillarating.  Mock ye not. I can vaguely remember some of the gels at skool doing an aquatic Busby Berkely at a swimming gala, but that was a very long time ago. 


05 November 2004 10:33

Well, I like to vary my activities to prevent my usual job from becoming too constricting. I am thinking of trying acting next. I was reading a play by that famous rockabilly performer Shakin' Speares and there's a part in Hamlet that's just made for me ..... Ophidia.
If you were doing your BB performance on your own how could you tell whether or not you were in synch?

Next    Back    Home    Site Map

I (thatís me) own the copyright in all the content of this site (except where otherwise acknowledged). You can read it, download it, transmit it and reproduce it only for your own personal use. You are not allowed to bugger about with it. If your computer explodes as a result of accessing this site and its contents, itís nothing to do with me, mate! Copyright Vile Jelly Publications 2001-2009. All rights (and some wrongs) reserved.