14 March 2003


Tidings, in deed, from the St. Ives Politburo. Harry Isaacs, legendary electrician, local politician, former manager of Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen and wearer of a raspberry beret (not necessarily in that order of priority) will be our next Mayor.

Now, given his work and communal activities generally mean that that you are lucky if you can get hold of him before midnight we look forward to a much needed period of nocturnal local government.

PS. I once helped him fix the lights in the Quay Market, you know. So, you can't say Spooky St. Ives doesn't mix with the great and god-like!

Roll Over Beethoven

Kulcher descends upon St. Ives. Probably.

Fed up with rubbish buskers cluttering up the place in the Summer the powers-that-be have decided to institute a new classical music fest. The bash will take place in May to raise funds for St. Julia's Hospice and will consist of three concerts perpetrated by the Sterling String Quartet.

Pretty funky, eh?

If The Cap Fits .....

Despite rumours that we are about to move with the times and change our name to Holey St. Ives we can confirm that we will plough on relentlessly. At least until we are swallowed up by a huge chasm opening up beneath us.

The apparent spate of mineshafts opening up in St. Ives has generated massive interest ..... well, an e-mail anyway (see That Sinking Feeling! ).

According to local histyerian and director of the St. Ives Amuseum, Brian Stevens, it is all down to shoddy mine capping in the good ol' days and houses being built where they shouldn't have been.

So, it's down to sloth and stupidity, then. Good to know we're just like everyone else in some respects!

Ironic (Two-Fingered) Gesture Of The Week

The weak-willed and gullible may have already succumbed to that node of concentrated evil that is the PRIVATE (nothing to do with Penwith DC's cash cow car corrals) car park that is located off the Lower Stennack just on the left as you pass the Stennack Surgery.

Numerous people have discovered the business MO of the private owners who have seemingly employed people who could give the Nazis lessons in ruthlessness. Operating on the principle of clamping anything or anyone they can regardless of circumstances they have generated quite a few irate letters to the Times & Echo from irate visitors.

However, this time they made the mistake of messing with the locals. When farmer Martyn Toman's wife's doctor's appointment overran they returned to discover that they had been clamped. They had to fork out the ransom to get their car back but, not being one to take such acts of 'charity' lying down he returned the next day with three bales of silage. He plonked each one down in a parking space, bought the minimum 50p ticket and left a note on them saying "Clamp This!".

When asked to by the filth, he did remove the bales after denying the proprietors the use of their lucrative car-nobbling spaces over a busy weekend!

Next    Back    Home    Site Map

I (thatís me) own the copyright in all the content of this site (except where otherwise acknowledged). You can read it, download it, transmit it and reproduce it only for your own personal use. You are not allowed to bugger about with it. If your computer explodes as a result of accessing this site and its contents, itís nothing to do with me, mate! Copyright Vile Jelly Publications 2001-2009. All rights (and some wrongs) reserved.