14 December 2001

Telegram Sam

Wednesday (12th) saw the centenary of some bloke called Mark O'Knee managing to send the first transatlantic wireless message from Poldhu Cove in Cornwall to St. John's in Newfoundland.

The first message transmitted from Poldhu Cove consisted of three dots representing the letter S in Morse Code. Within minutes a reply was received from North America booking two weeks in the Porthminster Hotel in May!

Not The Brightest Lightbulb

Your correspondent was awoken early on Thursday morning, not, as usual, by the racket made by the reporting team returning after a hard day's nightclubbing but by the sight of the maroons and the sound of the flares (I think it was that way round, it was rather early) going off. Quicker than you can say 'oh my god, the lifeboat's been called out', the lifeboat was out and on its way.

Apparently a fishing boat from Hayle had been seen in heavy surf near the Hayle Bar by a St. Ives boat. A moment later the navigation lights disappeared and, fearing the worst, the St. Ives boat called the Coastguard, resulting in the launch of both lifeboats and a helicopter from RNAS Culdrose.

It subsequently turned out that the Hayle fisherman had decided that the sea was too rough and had turned back to Hayle harbour, thoughtfully turning his lights out as he went.

A local spokesman expressed surprise at the incident, saying that he didn't realise that anyone from Hayle actually knew how to operate a light-switch!

Nineteenth Nervous Breakdown

Apologies to the regular Spooky St. Ives readership (hi mum!) for various problems that have blighted the site this week. (See Communications Breakdown in the e-mails section).

This has partly (and quite possibly completely) been caused by routine incompetence on my part. Unfortunately, as I don't know what I'm doing most of the time I have no idea how to fix the problem.

I could appeal for assistance from you people out there in the real world but, of course, if the site is down you won't get this message and if it is up there won't be any evidence of the problem.

My brain hurts! I think I need to go and lie down in a darkened pub for several hours.

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