25 July 2003

We Blame The Parents!

Oh, the price we have to pay to indulge your fecundity. For if you did not insist on inflicting your sprogs on the world then there would be no need for schools and if there were no schools there would be no need for school holidays .....

..... and if there were no school holidays then we would still be experiencing the glorious weather we enjoyed in June and early July. 

But now, after the final clang of the school bell we find ourselves magically transported to The Undersea World Of Jacques Cousteau!

Oh, and if you're wondering what next week's long-term weather forecast is, just consider whether it is still the skool hols and we'll give you no prizes whatsoever for deciding to pack your sou'wester, snorkel and flippers!

Board Stupid

Last Tuesday saw a heroic (and successful) attempt at achieving one of the most meaningless world records ever. During the Animal Beach Ball held on Porthmeor Beach a 14 moron (sorry, man) team of Newquayites and South Africans set a new record for the most people to ride one surf board.

I was working so I missed it. I presume that such a monumental achievement was extensively covered on the News At Ten, though.

Post-Slave Pit Sloop Slurp Slump

Serial Spookyist Holly Chambers (and escort) made another visit to the Sloop and, as usual, caught VJ just after he had consumed 7 pints of Doom Bar in 15 minutes trying to blot out the experience of yet another appalling shift in the Slave Pits.

"Hollo, Helly," quoth he, as he slid gracelessly off his bar stool.

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