The Sum Of All Fears! - E-Mail correspondence with Spooky St. Ives

Gill Richards

16 February 2004 15:17

RE: hi

There's me thinking that i was waiting for you and all the time i was being higorant.

sort it out, you'll be going before you're coming soon.

you should be burning your hands regularly to keep them hard. What if it was a prerequisite on the job description? you'd loose out cos you'd have soft girly hands

PS s'OK, hic (bleurgh, can i have real ale instead?)

Vile Jelly

16 February 2004 16:06

Eh what?

I will do as soon as I will have arrived back in the present.

In that case I shall just claim to be a girly and sue for sex incrimination. That way the only callouses I will develop will be from rubbing my hands together in glee at the impending payout!

PS. Whatever stimulates your bladder best. I find Handel's Water Music an invaluable aural stimulant.

Gill Richards

17 February 2004 10:15

mmm?

or go back to the future or forward to the past.

Could you pass for a girly? Do you have the suitable attributes? And after all it's ok for us girls to be girly blokes but blokes who have girly tendencies are generally frowned upon, or laughed at if they like their beer too much and it's all settled on their midriff.

Ps Handel doesn't do it for me. Einaudi could do it at a push, or very loud Beethoven if i've drunk the supposed daily requirement of 2 litres.

Vile Jelly

17 February 2004 11:06

Hell, I can't even pass for human but it's got to be worth a try.

PS. You could try watching Top Of The Poops. Every time I have the misfortune to catch a glimpse of the sad acts on it I pee myself laughing!

Gill Richards

17 February 2004 11:23

always worth a try, look at the objects that pass as members of the human race that shout about it. Parliament's full of them.

PS i had the misfortune of loosing the remote last week and had to sit through several minutes of it whilst i summoned up the energy to walk to the telly. I hasn't half changed since i was a lad, the music seems to be the least of their worries. And had i been less strong it would have had a much more disasterous effect that peeing with laughter.

Vile Jelly

17 February 2004 14:57

Thank god for rubber sheets and incontinence pants, eh?

Personally I find it both mystifying and ironic that a yoof culture that shouts so much about the individual v. the monolithic society is only marginally less regimented in their 'urban guerilla' gear than the SS Leibstandarte Division at Nuremberg!

Still, on the positive side I saw an article recently that said that during to the declining birth rate (and, probably, rampant idiocy of successive generations) there won't be anything for them to inherit when we shuffle off this mortal coil. Now that's a concept I'd cheerfully die and go to hell for!

Gill Richards

17 February 2004 16:14

absolutely, the type that tie at the knee are best.

Brings me in mind of Monty Pythons Life of Brian. "We are all individuals - i'm not". They all look the same! They winge on about school uniform and being allowed to express themselves and there they are wearing a uniform and obeying rules all of their own.

Talking of which, how is the St Ives skateboard park going? How's WPC Winalot?

What they failed to tell you is that it's a declining birthrate of anyone with half a brain. The stupid masses are reproducing at the same rate and so the world is filling up with stupid people hence the fact there will be nothing left that's worth inheriting. I'd rather die and go somewhere nice, after all it'll be hell here.

Vile Jelly

17 February 2004 18:42

The skateboard park continues to go nowhere at a high speed of NIMBY-ism. WPC Pitiful has (sadly) been kept on for the time-being, although there was a rumour that she was going to resign in protest at the lack of a skateboard park as that would mean that her kids would be bringing their drop-out friends home to jack up.

Maffs qwestyun 4 u (as the A* grade level students write); if two humans each with half a brain have quadruplets, how much of a brain does each sprog have?

Gill Richards

18 February 2004 15:47

define NIMBY.

Woz never much gud at maffs. However, i propose that the quantity of brain in the adults does not not proportionally pass to the sprogs, therefore, although one sprog will have a minute amount of brain cells, therefore giving the impression that the parents are clever, the others may be of average intelligence (for their breed stock) and one may be of a relatively high intelligence.

Vile Jelly

19 February 2004 09:04

Not In My Back Yard. Although, actually it's more the council and their ilk who are defying every attempt to find somewhere to put it. (Meantime they are talking about building a second park in P'zance!).

Given that P=parent, B=brain and S=sprog, then:-

((PB/2) x (PB/2)) /4S = 4M where M is a number tending towards absolute imbecility.

QED.

Gill Richards

19 February 2004 12:17

Could they turn the whole of Penzance into a Skate park? Then we wouldn't be obliged to go there and realise there's nothing there and the local economy would improve with all those skaters taking lodgings!

See, that's why i didn't get on with maths. Why does everything have to be turned into letters? What's worse is when a,b,c aren't quantified. I'll stay with my music thanks.

RIP

Vile Jelly

19 February 2004 13:21

Why would you feel obliged to go to PZ anyway? No one with any slight sense of self-preservation wouldn't touch it with all the bargepoles on the planet.

But music is much harder than maths. I mean at least with maths you know that A and B are two different things whereas with music all you get is a flock of stylised tadpoles on a load of lines. How anybody can translate that into a tune is beyond me.

PBAB

Gill Richards

19 February 2004 13:27

perhaps obliged was the wrong word. I went once, that was enough.

Spose it's what comes naturally. A and B are two different things in music; it's just that you can have more than one of them and flatten or sharpen them! Once you learn which tadpole is which it's easy, and you learn italian.

PTS

Vile Jelly

19 February 2004 16:23

I'd have thought once was more than enough!

Oh, I've done Italian before (got an O level, no less!) but I can't read tadpoles. And how do you sharpen a tadpole? You can flatten them easier enough but they'd just burst if you used a pencil sharpener on them.

MRI

Gill Richards

20 February 2004 08:23

ooh, i say. I fancied learning after we went to Florence on holiday, but so far i haven't done anything. Perhaps next September night school when i've finished all the decorating!

Surely flattening tadpoles burst them and you can't use a pencil sharpener on them, you'd cut your fingers cos they're too small.

See it's all a matter of being taught, you can speak Italian and i can read Music, easy when you know how. tra la!

BBC

Vile Jelly

20 February 2004 08:51

I didn't know Florence was still around. How were Dougal, Brian and the rest of the crowd? Actually, I nearly went to Florence once but I was put off by a neighbour who said they went but the holiday company stitched them up and dumped them in some crappy little town called Firenze.

PS. I hear a car manufacturer has brought out a camper van especially designed for those who want to travel Italy and soak up the music. Even Pavarotti's got one (so they must be spacious). It's called the Nissan Dormer!

SPQR

Gill Richards

20 February 2004 09:26

They were fine but Dylan was stoned. Florence was lovely. If you are into 'proper' art then there are enough galleries to fill a month, if not then there's loads of other things. Pisa is only one hours train ride away and dead cheap! We decided to go on a saturday, went along to the station, bought two return tickets for £11 (!!!) and the journey was quite pleasant. The PIZZA is great. thin, crispy, tasty and surprisingly (sic) available.

PS ha. ha.

BCC

Vile Jelly

20 February 2004 10:14

I was always more of an S&G fan rather than Dylan so I'm not bothered if people want to stone him.

Art's OK in small doses but it's history that gets my juices going (so no need to baste me). I'd spend all my time in Florence plotting Machiavellian schemes to sabotage my rival town's big tower ...

PONGI

Gill Richards

20 February 2004 14:12

before my time! The Magic Roundabout was on it's last legs when i watched it.

Loads of history there too. The Boboli gardens were nice. lots of history connected to them and the views are stunning. Perhaps that's what the Florentines did, after all the Pisa tower does lean...

PING

Vile Jelly

20 February 2004 16:53

Exactement.

Sorry, back-tracking a while what do PTS and PING stand for?

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