Burden Of Beasts - E-Mail correspondence with Spooky St. Ives

Helen Bristol

23 June 2003 17:52

Deja Vu

I quote " Fruit bodies most linicolous, growing on either living or dead wood:varying in shape but nearly always distinctlu gelatinous and often brightly coloured when wet. They shrink a good deal if they become dry, assuming a rigid and horny texture and often becoming inconspicuous. Some dry right up to a varnish-like patch, but all regain their normal gelatinous and colourful state when wet again." Sound familiar? Oh, yes, this is a Jelly Fungus. Flat Eric would have become the Incredible Hulk if he'd been out in the garden here this morning.

Vile Jelly

23 June 2003 18:01

Curses, my secret is out! I can not deny it, I am that fungus. Hence my need to keep myself eternally and internally moist with the soothing balm of Doom Bar.

What happened in your garden that would have so enraged FE? Or are you referring to being subjected to overdoses of gammon radiation like Dr. Bruce Bannaner?

Helen Bristol

23 June 2003 22:34

In the garden? Not to enrage FE but bulk him up - monsoon, small floods etc.

Vile Jelly

24 June 2003 09:15

No thanks, boy. The Reporting Team are quite heavy enough to tote around without adding to my woes (and back pain)!

Helen Bristol

24 June 2003 18:04

But surely you don't take them ALL out each time? No, I thought not....................so what you griping about?

Ah, I see CM has been sleeping on my keyboard again.................unless its reaching puberty.

Vile Jelly

25 June 2003 09:55

Because individually they are heavy too, especially when full of beer. The Shauns must live off a diet of cannonballs and as for 'Munkeh', well, let's just say it feels more like you're lugging Johnny Vegas!

Good luck with the keyboard. The RT keep spilling beer on mine. Eventually it ends up so sticky that I dread to thing what would happen if CM tried to sleep on it. You'd probably need a crowbar to prise them apart.

Helen Bristol

26 June 2003 18:22

Had one of those 'who turned-the-lightbulb-on, scales-falling-from-my eyes' moments yesterday. Listening to Wrighty, what a brilliant bloke, so many near-useless factoids. Enyway, "they" have discovered that baldness in men is due to pre-mature ageing of the scalp. Well, that explains a lot about single, 30-something,Caucasian fellows who have a houseful of cuddly toys that they throw out of the pram when they can't get their own way. Old head on young shoulders. Having a small senior moment here cos I can't think who came to mind.................it'll come to me eventually.

Spent time at the Forum ( the grandiose name for the new library in Norwich) researching for the Big Dig on Sunday. Unfortunately the archives are in the process of being moved from County Hall to the Forum so much of the material is unavailable ( and can I find the notes I made last time I looked through them?) so had to make do with what I could get my mits on. Main thing of interest (to me anyway) was that the land that I thought used to belong to this site didn't ,c'est la railway station. Also in true Dickensian style the local solicitors in 1839 were Hazard and Son.

Vile Jelly

26 June 2003 18:55

Very true, very proper, very right (as opposed to Very Light, which at least has a bit of flare!).

So, I'm a sad loser. Hardly rocket science, who else would come up with something like SSI except the aforementioned sad loser?

I believe that someone once observed that without love we are nothing, in which case I was and am nothing. Unless support from cuddly animals counts in which case there might be hope for me yet .....

..... otherwisely .....

Helen Bristol

26 June 2003 21:56

oh, for god's sake man! there is hope.........there is belief......Scorpios are supposed to be controllers........... I get very pissed off with all this self pity.......get a grip......why have you no love? even for cuddly animals?

Vile Jelly

27 June 2003 15:36

Self-pity? Pah!

I do believe that if you care to review your previous oeuvre you will find that that it was you, in your personal capacity as yourself, who intimated that a thirty-something bloke living with a bunch of cuddly animals was a bit strange.

As to why I have no love, you'll have to ask everyone else as they are supposed (according to the manual) to be the ones giving it. Not being a psychic, psychologist or anthropologist I have always found it very hard to explain other people's behaviour.

Anyway, the Reporting Team seem to like me. Well, they let me buy them beer and type up their website. What greater definition of love could there be?

Helen Bristol

27 June 2003 16:34

You mis-took the emphasis. There is nothing strange about said behaviour in a person who has yet to mature. Ask Ann, she'll confirm that.

As to the love thing - p'r'aps you just don't recognise it!

Vile Jelly

27 June 2003 22:04

Mebbee .....

..... but then again, if cuddly animals do turn out to be the supreme beings of the universe, you 'mature and sensible' people are going to be left looking pretty foolish!

Of course, I'll be in dead lumber for trying to take some small credit for their website!

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