Emmetry At The Gates


18 November 2003 09:56

Gravy train to Spain

What's this about a St Ives lifestyle? I know about you rich seaside merchants as I've seen the programmes on the TV. You are now all packing your Gucci suitcases ready to jet off from Newquay to Marbella and other such havens of the rich and feckless. Swapping Cornish pasties for langoustines you will soon be dunking your chips in  the vintage Boly . I suppose the only advantage is that you will leave the most beautiful part of this country to those who really appreciate it.  Saintly Travel Ltd will await your departure and then organise the annual trip to Belerion.  Look out for chariots of fire from the true Gwythyas Howlsedhas!!!!  Don't forget your ecu's  

Benatugana - Tereba nessa - Winwaloe 

Vile Jelly

19 November 2003 10:45

So, you are finally exposed as an emmet. I'd always suspected it but thought, in fairness to the readership, I'd wait for your own words to condemn you.

So, the people who live and work here can 'leave Cornwall to those who really appreciate it' said the man from the Home Counties.

Why wait for us to be driven out by economic circumstances? Why don't you and your Surrey chums grab the Purdeys, get in the Range Rovers and drive down for an ethnic-cleansing safari over a long weekend and several buckets of Pimms?

See you across the barricades.


19 November 2003 17:06

Well as the Saintly Cell is outside of Cornwall I have to be an emmet don't I ? Had this conversation a week or so ago with two friends one who comes from Padstow area the other from Falmouth area but now both in the "Home Counties" or President Bush-Blair land as we call it. They too were wondering if they are now emms? Does an incomer cease being an em as soon as he/she has crossed the Tamar to live or will they always be an em? Do Cornish born and bred become ems as soon as they go up country - what is your opinion? - - Would prefer to come down in the Bentley or the Aston as there is not really much need to go off road in St Ives. Purdey's packed with the Holland & Holland's and will try to bring down some Tattinger Blanc de Blanc to educate your poor peasant palates.Now back to the em situ no Cornish Saint was actually born in Cornwall so i suppose we are all emmets. Buy again, where does an emmet start. If person "A" moves down from Halifax do they become a non-emmet as soon as they have bought a house in Cornwall or does it take years/generations for them to be a non-em? Is a person from penzance who now lives up country an emm when they return? This
seems to be a very difficult subject and open to many meanings. I will consult the Company of Saints for the definitive answer. In the meantime enjoy Marbella or are you one of the tax exiles of the BVI?

Vile Jelly

20 November 2003 10:59

As far as I am aware the 'official' definition of emmet is anyone not born in Cornwall. You can live for a 1,000 years but if you weren't born in the county then it's tough tits, you're an emmet. Conversely, even if the only time you spent in Cornwall was being born there you are, ipso facto, Cornish and therefore not an emmet.

Personally, I think that there isn't much choice in that definition as not many of us can directly influence where we are born. I tend to adopt a more live and let die approach; emmet is as emmet does.

F'r instance, a few readings from the (Little Gold & Black) Book of Jelly:-

Made a fortune elsewhere, moved down and wants things rearranged for their personal convenience - emmet
Comes down on holiday, expects everyone to run round after them - emmet
Comes down regularly, knows a few locals by name, still expects everyone to run round after them - emmet
Drives like a homicidal maniac on the local roads, complains bitterly about the traffic - emmet
Moves down and gets involved in local community - non-emmet
Moves down and works for a living (in a crap job) - non-emmet
Lives in Home Counties, makes facetious remarks about 'local wealth' to
someone who has just been sacked because there's not enough work in winter and is now off to the dole queue and not Marbella - emmet

PS. A propos of the last item, you obviously need some mental stimulation to get your few braincells turning over again and prevent you perpetrating further crassness, so I shall set you a simple problemette and will do likewise for Gill Richards who just happens to be e-mail-ly passing at the same time:-

Facetious is (allegedly) one of only two words in the English language in which the vowels 'aeiou' occur only once and in the correct order. Your mission, should you accept it, is to come up with the other.

Loser gets burnt at the stake (unless Gill loses, in which case the winner does)!


21 November 2003 08:56

Competition is too easy got it straight away but a Saint would of course. Re the work situation that quite rightly bugs you. I assume you made the decision to move to St Ives and gain what employment available
and you have stayed there. I recall from an early email that you have travelled the World and that you are an educated person so, presumably, you could move away to much better things if you choose to do so. Of course it is not right that some parts of the UK are "poor" whilst others are not but if you have travelled outside of Europe you will have seen real poverty in other countries (I have in the Middle East and Africa)that makes the average poor Brit look like a King!! - It's not all champagne and truffles up country, I could sell my (small) house here and buy something three times the size in parts of West Penwith and still have money in my pocket. When you drive into Truro you don't have to pay a charge dreamed up by the local 'Mare (spelling intended)
food, utilities etc ,etc all more expensive and the standard of life is 50 ddeg below zero! - I have to stay here because my wife won't move, otherewise I would be buying you a pint or three of Doombar in the
local (and I wouldn't be stealing a locals job as I can do my work from just about anywhere) So dear Paul, less of the cowpoo about how hard it is and just realise how ******* fortunate you are to be where you
want to be!!!!!!!!!!
Now, back to the frivolity ------

Vile Jelly

21 November 2003 09:44

Your care and concern is duly noted.

Unfortunately, you seem to be labouring under the misapprehension that I exist merely to provide you with entertainment (a most emmetish attitude).

Actually, I don't.

I'm off to look for work, make your own frivolity.



21 November 2003 11:47

Good luck with the job search and I hope all goes well. I do understand the situation as just before the first Gulf War I had a company that worked exclusively with clients in the Middle East. Business disappeared with the first rocket and I spent a lot of my own money trying to pay my 4 employees, Eventually, on the advice of my bank manager, I gave up!! - But it cost me many thousands of pounds and then I had to go and get a new job. As a company director the "dole" people take the view that you have made so much money you don't need a pay out so that also adds to life's fun. Good luck with the job search and I hope it goes well for you. Now, back to keeping us all amused please!!

Vile Jelly

21 November 2003 17:11

Can't. I'm feeling funny (peculiar) not funny (ha ha).

Contemplating the uncontemplatable. Maybe I should regard the whole thing as a pleasant but ephemeral interlude and bail out of the burning Hindenburg before it hits the iceberg! I can't last too long down here without work. There seems to be bugger all work to be had. Therefore, I can't last much longer down here.

QED. (Which, I think, is Latin for 'bugger off somewhere else, matey').

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