Stand By To Abandon Shits!


01 December 2003 17:58

New Year

I've been using the Saintly grey cells and have come up with an idea or two for New Year. What you need are some good money making ideas so you and the RT can have a little holiday. So, here is the plan. With the
RT suitably briefed and ready with notepad, pencil, camera and duffle coat they await the arrival of the New Year mob. Pictures will be taken for subsequent submission to the Daily Sport and/or News of The World and possibly Naturist Magazine (this is assuming you get a few nubiles). Launch the Lifeboat at about 2200hrs and send it around to Sennen Cove where there is a nice, cozy pub. circa 2300hrs with the crowd getting bigger and thicker and drunker start a rumour that there are mermaids in the harbour giving away free New Year gifts (use your imagination on this one) the surge towards the harbour will result in a large number falling into the sea. At this point, and accompanied by fanfare and celestial lights, the Saintly self will arrive in a suitable bedecked chariot and start to pluck the luckless wet ones out of the sea. I will work on a women and children first basis but, as it will be too late for the kiddies, will have to concentrate on the female of the species. Starting with redheads and working, via blondes, down to those with wildly coloured hair I will rescue them all to the amazed gasps of those left on the quay. The RT will be clicking away and running of film footage for direct despatch to wherever Fleet Street is and the various TV stations, all taken by the, now fully loaded, fiery chariot and Saintly Self. Huge amounts of money will then flood into the RT who are duty bound to pass most of it to you. (The only thing that could get in the way is if Alex from the Fame Academy, Cornwall's finest singer, happens to be in the harbour she gets rescued and the rest don't) - What do I want from this ? - Nothing other than to see the smile on the faces of the RT and their servant (your good self). Now, do you see any problems or issues with this plan?

Benatugana - Tereba nessa - Winwaloe   

Vile Jelly

01 December 2003 18:15

Like a diagram of a grain silo it is a plan with no obvious flaws.

At least to the uninitiated.

However, while admiring your sentiments as to buggering off to the Old Success I can't help feeling that anyone else with sense and sensibility, pride and prejudice, Waldorf & Stadtler, etc. will also do likewise. Maybe even those with a saintly tendency!

In which case, who is going to fish the fools out of the foam?

You're not really going to tell me that you'd pass up the chance of a cracking pint of Sharp's Special, are you?


04 December 2003 08:31

3 baraelllllss (hic) in the chawiot -pracise run just

Vile Jelly

04 December 2003 14:15

Did you manage to save anyone .....

..... well, the barrels, to be precise.

If so, your sweet chariot has permission to swing low in this direction.


05 December 2003 12:33

Barrels fine, contents consumed, returning for re-fill. Ring out wild bells to the wild sky, the flying Saint, the pints the crowd below.

Vile Jelly

05 December 2003 13:32

Does this mean that in this year's Xmas panto you will be performing a barrel role?

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