All The King's Men!


07 January 2004 16:18

Vile 04 where are you?

Are you alive - Did you survive New Year - Have the reporting team revolted ?

Benatugana - Tereba nessa - Winwaloe   

Vile Jelly

08 January 2004 09:40

Not sure. Yes. Won't know until they come back from the pub.

Having a traumatic week and haven't got round to doing anything about SSI in MMIV yet. Let's hope this isn't a slow news week or I might just give it a miss.

PS. Cornwall currently being decimated by the Narwhal Virus. How come you haven't been summoned to Derriford for laying on of hands and exorcising of evil spirits from the plague-ridden wards?


08 January 2004 12:54

The Walrus and the carpenter were walking close at hand-- and look what happened to the oysters. There is a lesson to be learned here so all contact with viruses (why not virusi) to be avoided. Anyway, as anyone knows a real wiseman does works from afar and when the dreaded lerg is about we stay very far away. Assume the RT's are still celebrating 1) New Year 2) they escaped without having to report any news. Well known fact that those in a one horse race get lazy. Will therefore look at possibility of establishing a rival RT capable of following our National newspapers finest - fabrication, brainwashing, mischief, dastardly deeds and all other items likely to cause mayhem. Was 6 Jags Precott ever a newspaper person I ask? Is it true that the RT were in fact the first on the scene of a certain Parisian RTA hence the lack of any real info.? Is it true that the supposed victims are in fact living up to Cardboard Bay way in a small bugalo (sic) but have put their names down for one of those nice redeveloped houses overlooking Porthmeor Beach? - The thot plickens!!

Vile Jelly

09 January 2004 10:12

Curses, you have penetrated the veil of secrecy.

Oh well, I might as well reveal the truth while the RT finish off the Hutton Report for Tony:-

The RT were approached by a certain jug-eared, tree-hugging royal who wanted to get rid of a potentially embarrassing problem. So, the RT decided to snatch Dodo and Die from Paris and stash them somewhere where no one would ever find them. Iraq to be precise. However, Dodo then got a job as a Nasser Hussain body double and the Americans became concerned that he was concealing WMD. Of course, as Operation Slitty-Eyes was a strict Buck House secret the Yanks did not realise that WMD in this case meant 'Woman with Massive Delusions'.

The rest, as they say, is hysteria ....

Of course, this is quite embarrassing for the RT but not as embarrassing as for t' government who, in an attempt to keep the secret hushed up, then bumped off the wrong Kelly! Remember, if anyone asks, you haven't seen me.

PS. Did I ever tell you about the time that the Japanese ambassador asked the Shauns to take an urgent telegram to FDR in 1941 .....


09 January 2004 14:51


MIK9 (Cornish Div) have clearly given the plot away or are you/the RT's agents! - You are correct - HM's corgi hatched the plot to bump off the mad women of Kensington and the small white poodle (not) seen running in front of the car was a member of the French Security Police. The plan worked and all was well until the whole matter was dug up whilst searching for a bone. To avoid the truth coming out (although the
corgi denied the rumours and pointed to it's offspring, paternity test pending)a member of the Mossad in disguise as a bull terrier killed the corgi. However, the Establishment, is now baying for the blood of the bt and further revelations will follow. In the meantime and in an attempt to stop further problems Tony,please can I meet a pop star, Blair has ordered a total ban on hunting with dogs or (news) hounds.

Re the telegram was that the one about making his bum look too big?

Vile Jelly

09 January 2004 15:08

But I thought Poncess Anne was going to an animal psychologist to be
re-trained to stop this sort of thing happening again.

PS. The Shauns said that they lost the piece of paper with the telegram on it so they tried to give FDR the message as best they could remember it. They think it went something like 'Steve Waugh has declared. We are going to attach pearls to our door and stink your feet'!

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