Helen Bristol

16 March 2004 17:09

Putting all my oeuvres in one basket

Done a bit of this and that and needed to sit down to rest, so just knocked this off.  You or the RT may wish to edit this or change a place name or two if your local knowledge would improve the sense? or flow. 


Wharf and Wept.

 It was reported yesterday that The Wharf Association of Traders have devised a plan that would in one impressive move exclude vehicular traffic from The Wharf; ensure that the skateboarding dudes have no thoroughfare and, now this is the supremely clever bit, increase the trading surface area to its members and thus encourage higher numbers of tourists, daytrippers and sightseers.

 The Plan, proposed at a secret meeting of TWAT on Tuesday night, was unanimously agreed.  There was, however, discussion about the need to make special arrangements for the delivery of catering and retail items, probably entailing night time deliveries to minimise the impact of reducing the Emmet/Trader space ratio. The increase in turnover counterbalancing higher delivery costs, which would of course in turn mean higher prices.

 The problem of the lifeboat crew having to negotiate their way along an ever more crowded Wharf when they’re on a shout, was considered.  One member, known only by his code name, “S”, suggested building a flyover from The Stennack to the Lifeboat Station.  Much heated discussion followed, at which point further refreshments were called for (”On the tab, landlord, VJ’ll settle it later”). 

 As the meeting progressed the proposals as to what this little-used flyover could also be used for became increasingly imaginative. These included mackerel hurling, crab racing, hopkernow,  and a dossing alley for the surfer-dudes. The scheme that met with almost unanimous approval, proposed by “O”, was for it to be offered to the skateboarders on condition that the barrier at the harbour end be removed, especially at high tide.  S-T-K-S (there’s always one, isn’t there?) was concerned that PC Pittiless (it’s the Pitts – they’re taking over the world – well the constabulary, anyway) might attempt to sabotage the Plan as it would solve the yoof problem.

 The reader may be pondering, as I did, just what The Plan entails.  “That”, I was told by the TWAT spokescreature, “FE”, is classified information and “not even a judicial enquiry will make me break my silence.  Oh, well, if you’re buying the next round…*……………..”


* Embargoed until midnight (12 midnight) 19/03/2004.

Next    Back    Home    Site Map

I (that’s me) own the copyright in all the content of this site (except where otherwise acknowledged). You can read it, download it, transmit it and reproduce it only for your own personal use. You are not allowed to bugger about with it. If your computer explodes as a result of accessing this site and its contents, it’s nothing to do with me, mate! Copyright Vile Jelly Publications 2001-2009. All rights (and some wrongs) reserved.