17 March 2004 10:54

Re: The Flashing (Bey)Blade

Do you not mean palace as opposed place? - Now, no more of these insults. Looking at the emails on your website I have come to the divine conclusion that you are most fortunate to have the pleasure of me communicating with you. I add sense, logic and reality to an otherwise banal exchange about soup, potatoes,alcoholic beverages and swamps (the last two possibly combined in the fens). Now, about these skate boarders winging their way around St. I's. So, what is the problem? Why do you seek to prevent these young people enjoying themselves? Would you rather they hang around street corners annoying visitors or incomers? Is it the incomers that are causing the problem. is their world square, are they the weakest link?  You remind me of a good friend who, having been born into a Welsh Presbyterian family, converted to the Catholic faith. Being a convert he knows more about the workings of the Roman Church than most of those born into a Catholic family. Every Saint's day is a day for church (although I have had to educate him re some of the more obscure Cornish Saints but I am sure he will be adding them to his diary). I agree with you, however, re the RNLI crew fishing out deadun's. However,I suppose they see (sea) it as a training opportunity. Problem is it might frighten the bass.
Interesting your bit about JK and his move. When was that? - Rather like R.S Hawker (my great hero)I am surprised he has not been returned to where he lived. At least he would not be an incomer. Right, I am now off to The Sloop for a pint and then some fish and chips me thinks.

Toodle Pip

Vile Jelly

17 March 2004 11:42

I see the psychotherapy and medication still aren't kicking in yet!
Now, about the skateboarders ..... I realise that, as someone who lives in a mansion ringed by private security guards where the nearest a member of the general public can get to you is 3 miles away at the end of your drive, but out here in the real world it is a serious issue.
To summarise what people down here perceive to be the main issues:-
They make an appalling noise.
They damage property.
They are bad for business.
They are bad for the majority of residents.
They intimidate and annoy people.
They are a traffic accident waiting to happen.
I could elaborate further but I would not want to tax your crumbling psyche any further. Suffice it to say that, as ever, you have not failed us by completely missing the point. "Would you rather they hang around street corners annoying visitors or incomers?" Had you paid attention to the letter in the Times & Echo, which I reproduced in the news bulletin, you would have observed that the person complaining so vociferously about the skateboarders IS A VISITOR. So, there you go once more, accusing us of blinkered parochialism when, in fact, we are fighting on your behalf!
I must admit that I was a bit surprised that John Knill didn't use the opportunity to leg it from that flatulent orifice of a city and get back to St. Ives but the way the story was reported, it gave the impression that the dirty deed was done before he had a chance to cry out for help. Also, with an epidemic of old peeps homes being closed down in Cornwall being widely reported in the gnus, he may have decided that he'd get better support from the UK government if he stayed in London and posed as a Polish migrant!
PS. R S Hawker? What did he do? Apart from invent the Hurricane, Typhoon, Tempest, etc. Oh no, that was Sidney Cam ..... But you'd have thought he would have designed the Sopwith Cam-el. But that was Tom Sopwith (even though he was just a Pup at the time). Very strange.
But then someone born in Devon would be, wouldn't they? Just another emmet who came down to Cornwall, helped himself to all the good songs and tried to pass them off as his own ..... or was that Alex Parks?
Still, a vicar, eh? Can't say I'm surprised to find you attracted to another religious nutter!


17 March 2004 13:35

Perhaps incomers and moaning emms should move to Bournemouth, Clacton, Hove or some other seaside resort for the deceased! Yes skateboards do make a noise and can "scare" some people but if it was not boarders it would be bikers, or surfers or perhaps just youngsters. It would be interesting to check out back copies of the local newspaper and see if there are reports on children with hoops being a menace and a public danger when they get too near the horse's or the donkey's feet! Perhaps, a bit later, there was a problem with children in street carts (or whatever you call them) running away down the hill. Later and far more serious the mods and rockers. Life is real tough isn't it??
Now re RSH. If it hadn't been for him your adopted kinsmen would not have their own "National Anthem" (delighted to say that when i last sang it with a bunch of Cornishmen/girls I was able to put them right as to the original text!), your beaches would still be littered with rotting corpses (despite the efforts of the RNLI to whom I am no stranger)and Harvest Festival would not be anywhere near as much fun. As to your comments re AP - she has a unique and fantastic voice. She is rather sweet and she has more vocal ability in her little finger than most other popular singers have in the whole of their body. Still like Heligan and Eden she is successful so is bound to be abused. One last point on borders. When a few of the local lads decided to use the rear drive of mansion one as a
place to skateboard I gave them a few items with which to build a ramp etc. This was on the basis that it was better for them to be in the fresh air (well freshish)on a board than be bored and on drugs or mugging little old ladies. Appreciate the problems and the issues but don't be such a miserable old bugger. Were you never young?

Vile Jelly

17 March 2004 16:15

No, I was never young. I had to cope with life not be cosseted by a spineless, namby-pamby, victim-culture society. Anyway, I have consulted with indigenous locals who were, in deed, St. Ives youths and, yes, they did get up to mischief but accepted that if they got caught they suffered the consequences. Unlike wishy-washy out-of-town liberals the local fishermen had a heavy hand so, you took your chances and paid the price. Of course, as we all know now, thanks to the namby-pambies, children are all angels being cruelly mistreated by society and nothing is their fault. Just ask the Bulger parents.

Anyway, developing your 'life is tough' theme, I wholeheartedly agree which is why we should not be wasting our time and resources supporting parasites. All the current research shows that the next generation is not going to be able to support the current one, as the current one supports its predecessor. So, on the principle that you don't throw good money after bad, the first thing we should do is stop subsidising the youth of today. Let them make their own way for, as you so wisely speak, life is tough. In the meantime, the money being wasted on pointless excuses for education, rehabilitation and parasitic life-support can be spent on ..... us. After all, whose taxes are they anyway?

As for Mr. Hurricane/Typhoon/Tempest, he claimed that the tune was a traditional Cornish song, and as for the words .... well, anyone can chop and change them for their own purposes. 'Goodbye England's rose' anyone? Exactement. And you're wasting your time fantasising about Ms. Parks as well, she bats for the other side so you'll just have to stick to Mrs. Mermaid. Your claim as to her singing talents being superior to that of contemporary popular artists is pointless as that is like claiming 0.000001 is a big number because it is infinitely larger than zero. Mathematically correct but metaphorically erroneous.

As for the RNLI, I'm staggered! I know both John Stevens and Watkin Morgan well and they have never given me any inkling that you serve on the St. Ives boat. I'm sure the name Winwaloe would stick in their memories so do you go under a 'nom be mer' when you're on duty? And Harvest Festival is never fun because it is always attended by religious nutters (apart from the orthodox classical pagan one we go to. Cornish christianity is such a Johnny-Come-Lately AD-ish thing after all!).

As for your point about fresh air being better than drugs and boredom ..... have you ever been to St. Ives? I presume that you haven't because otherwise you would realise that the place is full of fresh air, open spaces, sun, surf, etc. I can understand some kid in an inner city ghetto skate-trashing the place because it's a dump. What excuse have the St. Ives yoof got?

And drugs are commonplace down here. Not so bad as Penzance but not good either.

Oh and grannies have been mugged in glittering PZ as well. Infamously, in a recent case.

The namby-pamby social workers don't mention that in the brochure, do they?

See? The benefit of local experience as opposed to long-distance wishful thinking.


17 March 2004 17:25

Oh well you are only an adopted Cornish so I can't expect you to get everything right. RSH never claimed the great T had a popular Cornish tune, in fact some say the tune is that of "The Grand Old Duke of York"
and others that it comes from a French folksong (now there is something to ponder, the CNA sung to a French tune).He wrote the words sitting under "a stag-horned oak in Sir Beville's Walk in Stowe Wood." It was Sir
Walter Scott, Lord Macaulay and Charles Dickens who promoted it as an ancient ballard. The chorus line had, of course, been a Cornish proverb since the days of James the 2nd. With the possible exception of JS Bach maths has bugger all to do with music (at listening level and we don't count close encounters of any kind)so your argument is declared invalid. If you don't recognise Ms P as being the greatest female singer alive then
you are tone deaf!! As to batting for the other side what is a Saint for if not to provide the odd miracle or two.
You forget to mention Guardian and Independent readers, bunnyhuggers and trendy lefty's as a cause for the Country's grief. Add in legal types and every time of social worker known to parasitic kind then you have the answer to life's little problem. Bring back the birch, public floggings, hangings, national service and the village squire - Long live the King, down with Parliament and hurrah for Blackadder. That
reminds me I see they are doing another series of that truly awful TV show with Dawn French that is supposed to be set around a Cornish village (filmed in Portloe I think?) Yes I have been to St Ives many times since I was a very young Saintlet and am well aware as to the quality of the air. Point is, if they were not outside on the skateboards they would be inside (probably the amusement arcade) wasting time and money
etc, etc. So outside on the boards not such a bad thing. Now, if you could get them to demolish half the building going up towards the Sloop from the Lifeboat then that could well be a good project. Bye, bye Blackpool hello culture (culture in this case excludes the Tat Gallery) - - Well must run off to choir practice - - Have fun - - Long Live the St Ives Popular Front !!

Vile Jelly

18 March 2004 09:42

Ah but then God Save The King/Queen/Tony is a creaky old tune that the whole world and his dog seems to have pinched. Even the yanks sing to it (My Country 'Tis Of Thee) which sounded weird the first time I heard the pseudo-republican, quasi-monarchist losers in the English War of Independence yodelling it. So, if barely evolved lifeforms like Dubya and co. can do it, then it obviously isn't very difficult. I still think his planes were a more impressive achievement and they helped us win WW2 (even if we did subsequently lose the peace).
And it's tough tits as far as far as Ms. South West Parks is concerned. That sort of music bores the arse of me so it wouldn't matter if she could sing like the ultimate offspring of Caruso and Callas, I'd still rather sit under a flock of incontinent seagulls than listen to it.
Personally, I always found absolute monarchy a bit too wishy-washy for me. I suppose it might appeal to happy-clappy, c of e, rich dilettantes such as yourself but I'd far rather we just dropped all this wet lettuce christian civilisation crap and got back to the good old days of roving pagan warbands. If only I could somehow get a crew together, bust Odin's Raven out of Peel and hit the high seas for a spot of viking culture. As Masefield should have said;
I must go down to the sea again
To the sea where the weaklings die
And all I ask is a longship
And sword, axe and spear to empower me to successfully resolve the feelings of alienation in the youth of today and the angst of their fawning social workers.
Now there's a totally different concept of a SAGA tour!
PS. You've lost me (as usual) with your incoherent ramblings:-
"Now, if you could get them to demolish half the building going up towards the Sloop from the Lifeboat then that could well be a good project."?
Half of which building? Which half do you want demolished, the top or bottom half?
PPS. Are you ever going to come clean as to who and/or what you are? I think most of the SSI readership (espesh the locals at the Friday Meat Draw) are convinced that you are an entirely fictitious character that I have made up to liven up the e-mails. Either that or you are Steve Collier.


19 March 2004 10:06

Not too good on the poetry front I notice. Good song though, I used to sing that with a bunch of other sea songs. Re the fab Ms P - well of course some of the peasantry don't like dear old Mozart but ... Re demolition, sorry missed off an 's' should have read 'buildings'. 100% qith you re demolition of social shirkers and others of that ilk. If we can include the bunnyhuggers in the cull it would be an advantage.
Well you know who I am - I am the saintly Winwaloe, frined of Petoc, Piran, Paul Aurelian, Euny and other Saintly Saints. Get a little mixed up on the Michael's though.

Actually it is much more fun (for me) that you don't know. However, one day...

Vile Jelly

19 March 2004 11:20


Happy fishing, Steve.


19 March 2004 17:11

WRONG!!!!! - It will snow in St Ives when you get it right

Vile Jelly

20 March 2004 08:34

How do we know you're not the one who's wrong?

Given that the only things you've manifested in SSI are your multiple personality disorders, you would be the last one whose judgement I'd rely on when working out who, what, where and why you are!

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