People In Glass(Stuffed) Overcoats Shouldn't Throw Stones! - E-Mail correspondence with Spooky St. Ives

Helen Bristol

03 July 2004 17:33

Re: Grilled lamb

Now see here, we haven't got sky so only get the occaisional highlight. Besides which there's no way I'd spend more than an hour tops watching TV, even if it was Lance in Lycra.

Yep, but they're a dying breed.

Vile Jelly

04 July 2004 09:32

Why haven't you got a sky? Doesn't it get a bit boring looking up at that blank space where one ought to be? No wonder you spend all your time glued to the box watching men in skimpy outfits shaking various things about! You don't fool me with your feeble protestations. I bet you're hoping that every time one of them gives a positive drugs test it's for viagara. Although that may not particularly assist Mr. Armstrong (Legstrong, surely?) as didn't he have cancer of the unmentionables?

Oh well, here's to a good clean contest with plenty of punch-ups in the peloton and a few spectacular pile-ups for the next edition of Great Sporting Blunders!

Helen Bristol

05 July 2004 17:59

cont.

I got bored waiting for your emus to download - being impatient to hear from you!

Don't you know your Chicken Licken. 'corse the sky fell down.

Can't think why they'd need viagra. What are you implying?? Their incapabilities in certain areas, or are you casting nasty-turtliums about my age? Anyway, I see more at the swimming pool and at work!

Paul, I've tried, you knew I would... have you heard from him? No. He took offence. No more swag from EA.

Vile Jelly

05 July 2004 21:49

Why does it take a long time to download? There aren't (or shouldn't be) any attachments. Is it because it comes with all the previous attached? I don't know, I don't seem to have any such problems at this end of the transaction.

Funnily enough, I have been doling out the remains of turkey-lurkey tonight. A bad day for the fowls!

No, it was more the 'humorous' mental image of someone trying to disguise the effects of viagra whilst in a spray-on lycra suit! I don't think even viagra could revive them after a hard slog up an alp or two. And as for those saddles ..... I don't think they can be able to sit down for months after a hard tour.

Miserable bugger. That's the last time I assist him in swiping DB glasses from youknowwhere.

Helen Bristol

06 July 2004 19:04

That's because it goes downhill from here to SI.

Or a foul day for the bads. Talking of which, I think Cornshire is in the vanguard of the next front of awfulness (from the Atlantic) I also hear that the Simpsons will be promoting the cause of Free Kernow.

Didn't know you (one) could (disguise the effects) hey, these guys don't need Viagra to revive them - they've got all the other dope. Re the saddles - what can I say - best you ask BM, he knows about these things (no jokes about bicycles, plllease)

Assist? ASSIST? you egged him on. It don't take much I know... he has quite a varied and interesting collection.

Sad to read about that little boy. A colleague holiday'd in N.Cornwall and there but for the grace of god...people just don't understand tides and the sea... people scrambling over the rocks to escape the incoming tide and handing little ones to safety in the arms of complete strangers... and went back the next day...................

Vile Jelly

07 July 2004 09:00

Bit like my career then.

Heard someone muttering something about it. Well, they couldn't do a worse job running the place than the present incumbents. About time we saw fat, baldy men with dead-end jobs given dictatorial supreme powers!

Especially not in lycra! Heard that some of the airlines have been giving their hostesses extra training in diplomatic cushion positioning for passengers returning from the fleshpots of the east who have OD'd on the stuff.

Ahem. If you care to remember (or dismember) I turned up with a legitimately acquired DB glass for him only to find Joseph and His Coat of Many (Poacher's) Pockets already rattling like a bottle bank!

..... and then they try to blame us for any tragedies that ensue. Apparently, we should have a lifeguard stationed at 10ft intervals around the length of the Cornish coast in order that visitors can be saved from their own stupidity. (They're on holiday so they don't have to do anything themselves. Everything, including common sense, should be provided for them. I was talking to a couple of bar staff t'other week and they were thinking of publishing a collection of some of the comments, witticisms and idio(tis)ms they've heard from visitors: it's going to be called 'We Left Our Brains At The Tamar'.

Helen Bristol

07 July 2004 18:24

Hear, hear. I think that's a great idea. Would you give yourself some bogus military rank? They all seem to.

's funny, I thought I was with BM not Joe

I'll place my order now.

Vile Jelly

07 July 2004 22:32

Military ranks are so unhip these days. What I need is something cool and techno. Supreme Cyberterminator Psychodude or some such.

Mebbe, but you've got to admit they were deeeeeeeeeeeeeep pockets!

Would you like to pay for Volumes 1 to 441 now or wait until we start on B-Z!

Helen Bristol

08 July 2004 20:06

Omit the Cyber-thingy bit. The rest is just right.

He swears blind that it wasn't wot was rattling.

Couldn't we have a taster? To see if its worth saving up for.

Vile Jelly

08 July 2004 22:50

But everyone knows that the South-West is cyber country!

Must have been Giftig then.

I'll think about it (which is more than most ems do!).

Helen Bristol

09 July 2004 17:40

Its gone all wintry today. Back into the thermals and sweaters. And wet - that stuff they call scotch mist.

Vile Jelly

10 July 2004 09:50

It's probably something to do with the weather.

Here's to six solid weeks of rain and gales during the skool hellidays, eh!

Helen Bristol

10 July 2004 11:17

Bored? try www.racingfrogs.org very Cartmanesque. My frog came 9th at Muddy bank! Oh, cumon Helling!

Vile Jelly

10 July 2004 15:29

Hm, seems a bit too much like real life for my tastes.

Cumin Helling? Are you trying to curry favour (or yourself)?

Just met up with Gill (Richards) and Mr. Gill (Paul, surname presumably Richards) in t'Slurp. She's just as smart and vivacious in real life as she is in her e-mails. God knows what hideous crime she must have perpetrated in a previous life to deserve meeting me in this one. Had a good natter and quaff with them and Welsh Derek. A most tolerable time in a most intolerable life. Gill asked after you both (I didn't mention that BM wasn't talking to me because of Mr Chimbley-gate).

Naturally, being a human of quality, she submitted herself to photographisation for SSI (see this week's news bulletin). Now, apart from the mysterious Janet Bentley who seems to appear in SSI periodically like Halley's Comet, I think that we only have Winwaloe of the regulars to unmask.

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