Helen Bristol

05 November 2004 17:31

Re: Hello again

You know I do.

Vile Jelly

06 November 2004 10:46

But do you do it boldly?

Helen Bristol

06 November 2004 13:09

Not one to be a fading violet.

Vile Jelly

06 November 2004 13:17

Or even an ultra one?

Helen Bristol

06 November 2004 17:00

Have been known to turn the odd purple phrase!

Vile Jelly

06 November 2004 17:10

What into?
 
If you're any good you could launch Purple Helling as a rival to Blue Peter.

Helen Bristol

06 November 2004 17:31

What did Peter do that was so rude?

Vile Jelly

06 November 2004 20:08

Well, as Biddy Baxter would say as she turned in her grave, just ask Messrs Duncan and Bacon.

Helen Bristol

07 November 2004 11:25

That would depend on your point of moral view.

Vile Jelly

07 November 2004 13:50

But, as you should know, I have no morals, just views.
 
Hell, if a children's TV presenter can't appear in porn films or take drugs how on earth can they possibly appeal to the yoof of today?

Helen Bristol

07 November 2004 15:12

Why should I know that?  I've only met you on a couple of occaisions.  Hardly time enough to form a rational objective opinion of someone.
 
Not that I've watched kids' TV for years but I thought it was all violent cartoons, not dissimiliar to our own dear Tom & Jerry but with humanoid characters.

Vile Jelly

07 November 2004 16:44

So how come the RT have shipped the secret VJ files to an undisclosed location in East Angular? They claimed it was in the interests of national security but I have my suspicions. And why waste time forming a rational opinion on humans? By the time you have, all you have left are regrets about how much senseless suffering and waste you could have avoided if you'd followed your original instinct and filleted them on the spot!
 
Violent cartoons? No you are confusing it with the 10 o'clock news and various PPBs. Sprog TV these days features no indiscriminate sex, mindless violence or incontinent elephants. That's why no one (espesh the sprogeny) watch it.

Helen Bristol

07 November 2004 18:51

But they promised not to tell.  How did you find... it was Orm wasn't it?Ashley. I like humans - well, some of them.  The ones that (Who) are worth spending time on.  Ouch!
 
These days I walk into a ward at 9 a.m. and the TV is on with some mind-numbingly boring programme (Kiljoy or something)  and I feel a wave of despair wash over me - to imagine (let alone believe) that somebody, somewhere actually  wants  to watch this stuff............I sort of get the feeling that sprog TV might be as bad but who am I to judge?  I never watch the stuff.  Life may be too short to stuff a mushroom but even that sounds exciting when compared with daytime TV.
 
Not at work today then? 

Vile Jelly

08 November 2004 15:37

Caught red-handed? Can't have been Orm then, can it? The Shauns like humans too. They say humans are tasty and nutritious. Personally, I don't mind butchering them for the Shauns' culinary experiments but I must admit I have never cared much for the flavour.
 
You mean you don't find stuffing mushrooms stimulating? Try stuffing them up some of your more obnoxious patients/colleagues and I think you'll actually find the experience quite pleasurable.
 
No. Skiving.

Helen Bristol

08 November 2004 17:15

Thought the Shauns refused to eat dead humans.
 
Rather depends on the size and toxicity of the mushroom/toadstool
 
Thought so.

Vile Jelly

08 November 2004 21:40

Depends how long they've been dead. Freshly hoofed that day, then gutted and filleted by me is acceptable. Of course, sometimes they just like to hoof humans simply to remind them who's boss. As for ems, they won't touch them, raw or cooked.
 
But there are so many varieties of fungi to choose from. I'm sure you could usually find the right one for the right person/occasion.

Helen Bristol

09 November 2004 18:54

Craterellus fallax and Phallus impudicus certainly suggest their uses. Its all quite magical.

Vile Jelly

09 November 2004 22:04

Don't go all Alan Titchymarsh on me. All I know about gardening is that it's usually a good time to sow your hardy perennials and somewhere there's some bloke called John Innes who makes composts like Pimms make drinks.
 
Just make sure when your on the ward that you don't confuse your mushrooms with your toadstool samples!

Helen Bristol

10 November 2004 17:53

Fortunately I don't have anything to do with that end of things. These days my activities are strictly limited to what you can do with your hands.

Vile Jelly

11 November 2004 09:35

Er ..... with which activity, gardening or collecting toadstool samples? I certainly wouldn't like anything to do with the latter involving using my hands ..... or even yours.

Helen Bristol

11 November 2004 17:44

Making people better (than what? I hear you ask) type activity.

Vile Jelly

11 November 2004 21:37

The RT would rather you made them butter. Tasty and nutritious! Failing that a light spread, low in farts and high in polly-unsatiateds will do.
 
activity
 
Now what happens?

Helen Bristol

13 November 2004 15:40

I could render them down to make dripping but, search as I might, I can't find the culinary equivalent of the philosopher's stone to turn the dripping into golden butter.   Sorry guys.
 
You get sent home to practise on your own.

Reporting Team

13 November 2004 16:55

Bah! Or, as the Shauns would say, baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
 
Now, don't go giving VJ dangerous ideas like 'sent home to practise on your own'. Our lives are difficult enough, what with having to go the pub every day and drink copiously while still being expected to be cute, cuddly and able to get the reports in to the gnus desk. It's bad enough to be saddled with Jelly without humans encouraging him to further depths of vileness!
 
Vole and fishes,
 
T'Reporting Team

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