Lorna Doone-under

Lorna Bradley

21 September 2002 05:54

good laugh

Found your site quite by accident and just love it. Will be staying at Glendorgal (yes, one of those ghastly tourists - and Australian, to boot) so was trying to familiarise myself with the area. Even we uncouth Antipodeans enjoy a good play on words. Thanks for the laughs and the info.

Lorna (now that's a name from up/down your way) Bradley

Reporting Team

21 September 2002 17:27

By accident! BY ACCIDENT!!
Well that's just the icing on the dog poo! The Reporting Team work morning, noon and night and to publicise our little website and you find it 'by accident'. Bah!
On the plus side, if your are feeling homesick you should soon be able to get in with your fellow antipodists as St. Ives is usually full of them! If you tuned into the Sloop staff section you will have discovered that we are currently harbouring two fugitives from the Land of Oz.
Not sure what a glendorgal is (sounds painful, though). Mind you, if you are from the land that produced Steve Irwin you should have no difficulty dealing with it if it turns nasty!

Lorna Bradley

22 September 2002 05:46

Yes, by accident. Glendorgal is a Timeshare hotel/resort (how bloody touristy!) just out of Newquay. I was trying to find the meaning of 'huer', as in 'huers house' which I'd found on a Porth-related page when I stumbled upon your page. (Really, I was procrastinating about the work I still haven't done for tomorrow!) Had I stopped and thought about it before I sent off my email to you, I probably wouldn't have sent it at all. You probably feel about Newquay the way I feel about New Zealand.

Thanks for the reply, anyway.


Reporting Team

22 September 2002 08:44

No. Actually, Newquay doesn't really bother us. It's so far north that it's virtually in Scotland (hence the scotch place names like glen-thingy)! Also, it attracts the majority of the undesirables with the 'run to the sun' and we suppose that the utter ruin of Newquay is a small price to pay for preserving the rest of Cornwall from the ravages of itinerant, beer-smoking, weed-drinking, drop-outs!
And what's wrong with New Zealand? The Shauns are big fans of the place but ..... then again, they are sheep.

Lorna Bradley

22 September 2002 09:29

Nothing wrong with NZ....beautiful place. It's just the itinerant, beer-smoking, weed-drinking, drop-outs who come across the Tasman and expect the Aus. taxpayers to support them.

You haven't exactly made me hang out to be in Newquay, or feel particularly welcome, either!  Nevertheless, I'll be there and I'd definitely like to spend some time in St Ives and slope in to the Sloop Inn. I'm very quiet and won't cause a fuss. [Then there won't be a problem!]. I hate holiday crowds which must make you wonder why on Earth I'm choosing to spend time on the Cornish coast. It's the heritage and history of England generally. Certainly not the sunshine and open space [Good because St. Ives hasn't got any of the latter. That's why the British Claustrophobic Society always have their AGM's here!]. Plenty of that here. We just don't have such things as huers' huts and St Columb majors and minors.

P.S. I've bookmarked your Spooky1. May I visit your town?

Vile Jelly

22 September 2002 17:13

Well, to tell the truth, it's not really my town ..... the Reporting Team run it but cut me in for a small piece of the action.
We apologise if we give the impression that visitors aren't welcome. That's not the case at all ..... it's idiots that aren't welcome. As we have tried to explain before, if people come down and trash the place then it is hardly surprising that they are regarded as unwelcome visitors. If people treat the place and populace with a little consideration then there is no problem.
It's hardly rocket science.
But unfortunately an awful lot of visitors are hardly rocket scientists!
You have permission to visit St. Ives (please hand in your permit at passport control when you exit Downlong). Obviously, you are not a complete and utter fool as you have chosen to visit Cornwall at a time when there is actually a reasonable chance of experiencing the genuine Cornwall and meeting its indigenous population. You'd have no chance of that in the height of Summer, we all go into hiding. Good luck with Newquay, though. Round here it is regarded as the Blackpool (tatty and tacky 'glitzy' resort in the North) of Cornwall,
As they say on all the public safety ads, don't talk to any strangeness!
PS. Please don't be offended if any of the locals refer to you as "m'lover", it is just a standard form of address down here.
PPS. Also, please don't be offended in the unlikely event anyone addresses you as "boy"! (Ditto).

Lorna Bradley

23 September 2002 10:06

you must be sorry you started this

My word, this has been going on for a while now. Thanks for assuaging my hurt feelings. Amazing what comes across on emails. I understand how you feel about your town being trashed by interlopers [but we like them ... and gazelles and springboks! - The Shauns]. It happens to a few of our holiday towns too, each year when the school leavers have finished their final exams. They set out to show just what responsible citizens 12 years of schooling has taught them to be.

By the time we next reach your fair shores, I'll be a school leaver too... after 36 years of teaching! This will be our 3rd visit to Cornwall. Our previous 2 have been whistle-stop in nature but appetite-whetting as well, which is why this time we'll be there for a fortnight. I'm starting to feel sorry that we didn't choose to be accommodated at Tregenna which appears to be Glendorgal's St Ivian counterpart. However, we spend very little of our time actually in towns except to visit their pubs and restaurants, so the riff-raff in Newquay probably won't bother us too much. I like getting out into the countryside and experiencing the greenery and, as I said, the heritage and history. Not much of that here. Perth wasn't founded until 1829!! [Nearly half six in the evening, eh? Well, at least the pubs would have been open!].

Your website is so informative and I've already planned our pub crawl through St Ives. We really should be leaving such decadence to the younger ones but old habits die hard.

Anyway, this must be boring you witless, m'lover, so I'll be off. I'm procrastinating once again and my work still isn't done.


Vile Jelly

23 September 2002 11:49

36 years of teaching? Boy, that's a long course! No wonder you need a break.
You'll probably be safe from the Newquay riff-raff if you are heading out into the wilderness. They are mostly surfing/all-night partying weirdos and the only greenery they probably see is when they look in the mirror the day after yet another 24 hour binge.
Now, to paraphrase Shakespeare, is the Autumn of our content. Now (and early Spring) are definitely the two best times to be abroad in Cornwall. The weather is usually reasonably fine, facilities are still open and the numbers of visitors have diminished to tolerable levels. What's more, you probably won't need to bring your hat with corks on it as the weather is sufficiently fresh out in the wilds to keep down the insect population.
Nowt wrong with a pub crawl at any age (except under 18, I suppose!). St. Ives may not have that many (hardened drinkers might have to do a couple of laps) but at least they are just a short staggering distance from each other.
Good luck with the mystery project. Try putting off the procrastination until tomorrow to see if that speeds up your output!

Lorna Bradley

24 September 2002 13:22

my apologies if you've heard it already

Bingo!!! Early Spring.

We'll be in Newquay from 5th to 19 June ...2004!!! I like to plan ahead. It keeps me staggering along through these last months of my teaching life. Besides, Timeshare accommodation needs to be secured a fair way in advance and we have so much to slot in to place before and after Cornwall. When one has so far to travel to reach Europe, one has to make it worth the economy-class discomfort and stay for a few months.

The more I learn about Newquay the less I like the sound of it but we'll only need to be there to stock up on food.
As you were quoting Shakespeare:

Romeo Beckham got his first chance to play for Man U at Old Trafford, so he asked his dad what number he should wear and his dad thought for a minute and said...

 "wear 4 out there Romeo".

Reporting Team

24 September 2002 19:37

We are glad to have been of some small (and cuddly) assistance. Remember, the good thing about Newquay is ..... it doesn't take long to leave it behind!
Also, while you can say that Newquay is not exactly what we would recommend to the connoisseur Cornwall visitor, on the other paw/hoof/appendage it is quite nicely placed for going forth. We've never (to our internal shame) done Bodmin yet.
It's not that we don't want to venture forth from Fortress St. Ives, it's just that we can't drive and Vile Jelly never gets the time or the opportunity.
PS. Had heard the Beckham joke before. It brings to mind another joke:-
David Beckham returns from another vital international hairdressing fixture and gets a taxi from the airport.
As the car pulls away the taxi driver says "Here mate, have you heard the latest David Beckham joke?"
"Actually", he replies, "I am David Beckham."
"Don't worry, then," replies the cabby, "I'll tell it to you very slowly". 

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