10 October 2003


Wizard Prang, Skipper!

Proving that old habits die hard, three former Royal Navy pilots were forced by engine failure to ditch their light aircraft between Land's End and the Scillies.

They managed to bring the aircraft down near a Newlyn trawler and were unscathed until they had to be taken to Treliske after a passing German submarine surfaced and machine-gunned them, proving that old habits die hard ..... !

Infamy

Oh dear, so that Cornish bird won the Flame Academy thingy. (According to the front page of the paper, you didn't thing I'd actually watch the stupid thing did you?).

There goes another of our few remaining shreds of dignity.

Better Go While The Going Is Good!

Local women (and other members of the species) are up in arms (or quite possibly sitting down cross-legged) over a threat to close the public toilets in the unfortunately named Kelly's Gardens (just behind the library if you're wondering ..... or desperate!).

The women are complaining that the bogs on the Wharf are too far away, especially when they are beset by sprogs. Kelly is starting to realise why the grass is always too wet when he goes to mow the lawn!

Two Legs Bad

At last, much to the jubilation of the Reporting Team, the animals finally appear to be uniting in an attempt to rid the planet of its unwanted human infestation.

Those of you with a long memory (or the ability to navigate this site) will recall last week's item about the Wheal Ayr hole conspiracy which was being blamed on rabbits.

Well, this week it is reported that attempts to investigate and deal with the hole in the back garden in Trelawney Avenue have been thwarted ..... by a flock of bees.

So, it would appear that the bees are colluding with the bunnies to prevent the humans discovering just how close St. Ives is to disappearing into a massive crater. And you thought they were just interested in laying honey.

So, if you'll excuse me, Ill just go and play some soothing music to take my mind off the impending disaster. Now, what shall it be? It's The End Of The World As We Know It by REM or Going Underground by the Jam.

Or maybe I'll just quietly read a book. Hm, haven't read any Jules Verne for a while. 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea or Journey To The Centre Of The Earth!

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