24 October 2003


We Fought Them On The Beaches

Good news (we hope). The T&E reports that the would-be developer of the Porthmeor apartments atrocity has announced that he will not be proceeding with his planning application in the face of considerable public condemnation.

Surprisingly, having claimed in his original announcement that St. Ives Mayor, Harry Isaacs, had described the proposal as 'interesting' and that St. Ives Lifesaving Club was to benefit from the development, he has now said that he had in no way tried to make it look like a done deal. Whether or not he was influenced in this recantation by the fact that subsequent to the initial announcement St. Ives Town Council had said that Harry had not and could not for legal reasons say anything on the subject at that point and the Lifesaving Club said they wanted nothing whatsoever to do with the development has yet to be determined!

No Room At The Inn!

St. Ives pubs are considering introducing a wristband system on New Year's Eve in an attempt to keep the town's watering holes available for locals only. (As reported in the press, no mention was made of second home owners. As mentioned in the pub, sod them!).

Anyone who has experienced the unholy scrum that takes place inside the pubs on New Year's Eve might be surprised to find that the pubs are actually losing out on business.

We shit you not!

Apparently, the problem is that ever increasing hordes of hoolies from out of the area are being coached in (from as far away as Reading and Swindon) laden to the gunwales with bottles of booze.  One pub landlord said they had collected five bin bags full of empty bottles from inside the premises, none of which were brands sold by the pub.

So, you see, not only are that bunch of drunken oafs blocking your attempts to get to the bar and buy a drink, they aren't even buying a drink themselves.

And you keep telling us that telling us that all these visitors are good for us and pump loads of money into the local economy. Why would we know better, we just live here!

Meanwhile, elsewhere the plop thickens as the filth have now come clean and admitted that they would have 'huge problems' evacuating people in the event of a major incident. The icing on the dog turd was then presented by WPC Trudi Pitts (headbutted in the face during last year's 'just a big, friendly riot' celebrations) who pointed out that there was nowhere for the crowds to go in bad weather and it will be .....

HIGH TIDE

..... just before .....

MIDNIGHT

..... this year.

"And so, Pharaoh and his army of emmets were drownded." (Exodus Ch. MMIII, v. 3112).

PS. You can't rely on the lifeboat either. My mate, Watkin, told me that while they are technically on station on New Year's Eve there would be virtually no way they could launch the boat without killing more people than they were attempting to save!

Beggar Off!

Incredibly, yet more good news.

After trying reason and compromise (they did offer to let them set up unmolested on West Pier), the authorities have finally lost patience with the 'street traders'. Fed up with them camping on the Wharf, occupying the benches and forcing pedestrians (especially the wheelchair jockeys) into the road the Town Council is now going to Penwith District Council to try to get a by-law banning street trading in the town.

Might seem a tad drastic but since the traders have refused to co-operate with the previous suggestion and Penwith District Council have refused to allow a plan to create prohibited areas, what choice have they got?

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